Not sure what to do

[Sewlong]

my heart goes out to you. it is such a stressful situation to be in and very easy for someone who is strong and confident to say just ignore it. it sounds like she has chipped away at your confidence and that you feel intimidated being around her. as I dont know how much this group means to you personally its hard to comment but if it was me and it was causing this much distress I would at this point bow out. It doesnt seem that this lady is going to back down and it seems she is getting mileage out of it as the time ges on. Sadly some people cant see anothers point of view. However, I would email all group members and calmly and clearly explain how you feel you have no other option but to leave. Outline how this person has made you feel (this cannot be argued with) and how sad and disappointed you are that something that once brought you so much joy is instead causing you so much sadness. those who are worth being your friend will support you and the ones who choose not to , you are better off without. I know it may sound weak to some but I have been in a similar position and the stress of the injustice caused me huge mental stress. best of luck in whatever you choose to do. im sure there is something similar that you might be able to join that tcouls fill this void? maybe a local night class?

[Lady Madonna]

what a bitch. if you don't go back to the club she'll find someone else to do it to, and then another. Wendy's don't stop being Wendy after their first "win"

you say you're one of the founding members of the club have you spoken to any of the others about it in private?

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[salsa]

I wouldn’t send out a mail tbh- you would be the talk of the club. I’d talk to a few others who have known you a long time and who are cool with you and ask them what did you do to upset them, if anything . That you would like to clear the air and start over since you sense a chill. I would make sure I clarify why the big misunderstanding was just to get the record straight. Or whatever words you want- just that would be my jist. Only if that failed would I leave, especially if I loved something and set it up hell would have to freeze over for me to be frozen out .
She is a bully and a bitch. position yourself with others you do get on with and have as little to do with her as possible. she might move on to someone else. Well known is not the same as well liked and others are probably aware of her true self but don’t want to fall foul of her.

[Scotty]

In my experience talking to her will achieve nothing. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. Don’t let her force you out though. Maybe speak to some of the other women and try and figure out what the hell is going on. You need to fight back here and stand your ground.

[Club]

Quick update

We had a fundraiser at the weekend.
I had a chance to speak to a good few members one on one.
The general consensus was “don’t draw her on you”
Apparently no one likes this woman. In fact I heard story after story of how she lies. Spins sob stories. Uses people.
She has a very troubled back story that she uses to gain sympathy.

I was advised to simply ignore her. To bring any deliberate trouble making to the club chairperson.

I feel so much better knowing she is universally disliked. But troubled that she gets away with such awful behavior.
So many were happy to tell me how much they disliked her in private. Story after story. Yet no one seems willing to call her out.

She came so close to stopping me enjoying something that I love.
I only hope she doesn’t do it to the younger newer members who might not stand up to her.


So end of the story. I’m staying in the club.
Thanks for all the replies.
People are not always who they seem to be.

[Goingagain]

Great update, always good to know you're not going mad and others see it too. Enjoy your hobby

[Pasghetti]

I’m very glad to hear that your experience of this woman has been validated, but at the same time sorry to hear that she still exerts such an influence over the group. She sounds truly manipulative. I can only imagine how much you want her to answer for her behaviour towards you but at least now you know you’re not alone and she didn’t succeed in pushing you out.

[Unnamed poster 6]

Good update!

[HeyJude]

Good to hear that you can stay with the club and that others know what she is like. I'm disappointed for you that the other members haven't spoken up before and let her away with her behavior. How can we ask our kids and teens to stand up to bullies if grown adults won't do it.

[Lean]

Good to hear that you can stay with the club and that others know what she is like. I'm disappointed for you that the other members haven't spoken up before and let her away with her behavior. How can we ask our kids and teens to stand up to bullies if grown adults won't do it.

So true - I'm guilty of that as I got bullied out of my camera club. But I don't care as I have other things to be doing at the minute but there are other clubs as well.

Glad you are ok Club and enjoying your club.

[dutchie]

So glad you spoke to the other club members and that others see her for what she is - a bully and a bitch. Don't let her win this case with you. You stand your ground and continue to be a member of this club. I have a "wendy" in my life too and its awful, but thankfully I don't get to see her too much but when I do - my god my heart rate goes through the roof!!! I've had my chance to have words with her and there were not nice words but ones that she had to hear from me. So she knows exactly what I think of her. She is known to be a nasty woman but at the same time there are a lot of people who are "friends" with her so that they don't get excluded. Very stupid and very silly for a grown woman. But ultimately she won't be the last. How we deal with those nasties is what makes us strong women. Hold your head high - your happiness is her torture

[NDM]

Live those comments

"Your happiness is her torture"

And being "wendied"...

Think we've all been there.
Well done you for standing your ground.

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[ginny]

Live those comments

"Your happiness is her torture"

And being "wendied"...

Think we've all been there.
Well done you for standing your ground.

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Agreed.

My dad was a firm believer in never letting anyone like that know they annoyed you and smile through it even though you want to scream/scowl. It’ll drive them mad they haven’t got to you .

Gets me through most work days

[CockChoker]

Live those comments

"Your happiness is her torture"

And being "wendied"...

Think we've all been there.
Well done you for standing your ground.

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Agreed.

My dad was a firm believer in never letting anyone like that know they annoyed you and smile through it even though you want to scream/scowl. It’ll drive them mad they haven’t got to you .

Gets me through most work days

Wise words shakey.

[Lady Madonna]

this thread kind of got me thinking, there was a "Wendy" in my circle when I was in school I just didn't realise it. She would muscle in on my friendships and in some cases get them to gang up on me. She's still somewhat in my circle and has retrained in the area I work in and if I sign my children up to something hers often follow. I posted a particular type of family photo to Facebook once and she posted an almost identical one of her family shortly afterwards, OH raised his eyebrows when he saw it but at the time I laughed it off and said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I keep her somewhat at arms length anyway, so as adults nothing bad has ever happened but I guess this thread has made me think maybe I should watch out for her.

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