Not sure what to do

[Club]

I’ve been a member of a club for a particular hobby for 10+ years.
I joined when kids were small. It’s a great outlet to meet other people. It has been a huge part of my life and I think most of my friendships started there.
A few years back a woman new to the area joined. She seemed pretty nice. A bit of an over sharer. We seemed to learn an awful lot about her very quickly. Soon she became a key member of the club. Always volunteering to do stuff. Mentoring new members.
I was always friendly to her. But I’m quite reserved compared to her.
At the beginning of this year at a night out I said something she took out of context and took very personally.
Shortly afterwards she got very cool to me. Then she started excluding me. Accidentally left me off the group texts. Short answer if I said something.
Slowly she turned a good few of the others against me.
It has totally taken the enjoyment of the club away. I now dread it.
She has upped her agenda. A couple of members have come to me asking if I said stuff I most certainly didn’t.

I missed three weeks in a row as I couldn’t face it.

Dh was on at me to go back. Membership is paid up until September.
I didn’t tell him why I want to leave.

The thing is I love the club. I was one of the founding members.

It’s a choice between staying and dealing with her nastiness or leaving something I love.

There are no other similar clubs in the area.

What would you do?

[KikkiD]

Speak to her.

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[CLBG]

I wouldn't be letting her keep you away from a club you enjoy and helped to found! You could either talk to her and ask her if there's something that has upset her, or you could just go back and ignore her. Easy to say I know, but I wouldn't let her get away with it!

[Grasscutter]

God I despair at the behaviour of some women. I’m so sorry you’re the victim of this. Something similar happened my mother in her sixties. My DD is currently the victim of a similar campaign.

I think the only option is to try and speak to her privately. Awful that others can’t see through her.

[Club]

I tried talking to her. Both in private. And in a group. She ignored me when I tried to discuss it privately. As in didn’t acknowledge I’d even spoken. In front of others she said how hurtful my comments were.

The thing is it wasn’t even anything hurtful. It was a passing comment on the school our kids attend.

I’m stuck now with my dh telling me to grow up and ignore her and her cronies who are being very cool towards me.

It’s like being back in school. With me doubting myself and feeling stupid and on the outside. I’ve worked so hard on my self esteem and this has knocked my confidence again.

[Allmixedup]

Did you say something to her that she took the wrong way or did you say something about her that was reported back?

[Tink]

I would call her out on it - don't let her intimidate you out of the club you love.

[Maisy]

Talk it out! If not face to face then text her, explain that you meant no offence etc. If she's still going to carry on in this way then I'd keep calling her out on it & let others within the group know what she's at too. You are a founding member and it sounds like you love this group. Don't allow her to take that away from you.

[femalevictormeldrew1]

I don't know what advice to give you, but on Mumsnet she is known as a Wendy and you are being "Wendied". Look for that term on MN and you will see that this happens a lot. Might be helpful to read some of the threads to see how they dealt with it

[Starryeyedsurprise]

I would speak to her directly OP. This is awful (hate this shite). Absolutely no way I would leave a Club that I love. x

[Elsie]

I would actually ask one of your friends to casually be there when you speak to her so that you can clear the air without her saying anything dreadful to you - or tell others that you said to her! and you will be able to keep it calm. But definitely speak to her - ask her why she has taken this way with you and that as a founder member of the club you would like to see everyone getting on and if theres anything you can do to fix it then you are open to suggestions.

unfortunately Wendies are everywhere and too many times people just leave them to it and prefer to stay on the side of Wendy rather than the fear of the Wrath of Wendy!!

I hope you get it sorted.

[Unnamed poster 6]

I don't know what advice to give you, but on Mumsnet she is known as a Wendy and you are being "Wendied". Look for that term on MN and you will see that this happens a lot. Might be helpful to read some of the threads to see how they dealt with it

I have had this happen to me.
I would go back to club and try to ignore the others. In my experience the truth will out. Honest people will realise a mistake and that they have been manipulated. If not, they are not worth knowing.

I advise reading about wendyism!!!

[Goingagain]

I know someone very similar what I will say is the truth always comes out and people eventually see through the shite. This doesn't help you at this moment though.

I would not let her intimidate you out of something you enjoy, You will have to stick up for yourself, have it out with her or maybe have the conversation in front of the other girls who think you were talking about them. It might clear the air and you can all move o or at that point you might still feel you don't want to go back, but at least you would have got your say.

[Guest]

Op here.
Thanks for the replies. I didn’t go last night and now feel so stupid.
Dh is getting very annoyed with me.

What I said was said to her. It was totally harmless but taken out of context and given wings. Others have heard her spin on it. I have not tried to defend myself.
I stupidly get upset thinking these people know me so long. Why would they think so badly of me.
She seems to have lots of sob stories and can draw sympathy easily.
There are those who see my side of course. Mostly the strong confident people who say just ignore her.
I feel like I’m 15 again. All unsure of myself.
Going to read up on the “Wendy” thing.

[Goingagain]

If she's anything like the girl I know she will turn on the water works and poor me act at the drop of a hat.

You have to stick up for yourself, sometimes silence can be seen as guilt.