I have been married for 18 years. Three children, two of which are teens. This isn't an overnight decision. We have been miserable for years. I am now almost 46 and I feel I cannot waste any more time with my husband. We have tried marriage counselling a few years ago. He has a lot of health issues, which means we cannot share a bed. Through many years of me basically nagging, he is working to get these resolved but I feel it is too late. We have not had any intimacy in about 5 years.
He has anger issues too, most likely stemming from our marriage. I have asked him to get counselling for himself but he refuses. I am basically done with the marriage.
My issue is this. He said he is not willing to sell the family home. It is in both our names but he said I should leave as it is me who wants to end the marriage. We both work, however, my days were cut to 3 days. He said if we seperate, he will not be "maintaining" me in anyway He admits he is miserable too but said he is not moving out, selling the house, etc......
Have any of ye been in a position, where the other half will not accept a seperation? I really don't know what way to turn.
I want to end my marriage
Re: I want to end my marriage
Hi miserable,
Really sorry you are going through this - it's a very painful place to be. Re maintenance, he will have a responsibility to maintain his children, whether he wants to or not. Re the house, below is some info from Citizens Advice which might help, but you will need to get some legal advice. My XH didn't fight me on who lives in the house, so I can't offer advice in relation to that. However, I'd imagine that if your husband can see the sense of going to mediation vs having to decide the matter through the courts, it would be a lot cheaper for both of you.
Wishing you all the best.
C.
Really sorry you are going through this - it's a very painful place to be. Re maintenance, he will have a responsibility to maintain his children, whether he wants to or not. Re the house, below is some info from Citizens Advice which might help, but you will need to get some legal advice. My XH didn't fight me on who lives in the house, so I can't offer advice in relation to that. However, I'd imagine that if your husband can see the sense of going to mediation vs having to decide the matter through the courts, it would be a lot cheaper for both of you.
Wishing you all the best.
C.
Re: I want to end my marriage
Sorry, forgot the link:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/bi ... _home.html
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/bi ... _home.html
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Re: I want to end my marriage
I'm sorry too - it is a hard place to be.
I think it would be useful to you to speak to a solicitor. One who specializes in family law. Get a recommendation if you can. Your husband is obliged to maintain his children, as is right.
I think it would be useful to you to speak to a solicitor. One who specializes in family law. Get a recommendation if you can. Your husband is obliged to maintain his children, as is right.
Last edited by Unnamed poster 6 on Thu Sep 24, 2020 10:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I want to end my marriage
If you separate and you are working then I cannot see why you would want or need to be maintained by him. Spousal maintenance apparently is still being awarded in this country but to be honest if you have older children then I would see it unfair when you can maintain yourself. He is of course obliged to maintain the children until they have all finished full time education so he would have no choice in that. Your best bet is to contact a solicitor - I suggest contacting Legal aid. If you qualify for a cert then it will only be court costs down the line you pay for rather than everytime you see the solicitor. They also will help you with names of mediators etc. If you do not qualify they can still give you advice though.
It is a long hard road. If your husband already has anger issues then I assume they will be heightened by your wanting a separation and in my experience, a man scored is worse than any woman scored ever could be. My ex also did not want a separation despite being an abuser and a cheat. He insisted living with me for 18 months after i served him separation papers and also refused to sell the property. In the end though he met someone else and moved in with her so things got better for me then.
My advice anyway is legal advice first and foremost. Nothing can be done until you seek this. Best of luck to you.
It is a long hard road. If your husband already has anger issues then I assume they will be heightened by your wanting a separation and in my experience, a man scored is worse than any woman scored ever could be. My ex also did not want a separation despite being an abuser and a cheat. He insisted living with me for 18 months after i served him separation papers and also refused to sell the property. In the end though he met someone else and moved in with her so things got better for me then.
My advice anyway is legal advice first and foremost. Nothing can be done until you seek this. Best of luck to you.
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Re: I want to end my marriage
I think you should get recommendations for a good solicitor and find out what the options/ possible outcomes are.
Freshdaisy where one spouse take a step back in their career to care for children they may damage their future earning potential. Spousal maintenance recognizes this.
Freshdaisy where one spouse take a step back in their career to care for children they may damage their future earning potential. Spousal maintenance recognizes this.