Is it Cyber bullying?

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Very worried
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Is it Cyber bullying?

#1 Post by Very worried »

Posting Anon as my DD could be identifiable if I didn’t

My DD has come to me with screen shots of a group set up by a girl she blocked on Snapchat. She originally blocked the girl on my request as she had been spreading rumors about DD and I’d seen come nasty comments on instagram by her about my DD

My DD moved secondary schools this year and this girl causing trouble is in the old school. The group chat is made up of her old school friends in 2nd year, they are all 13/14yrs old. In the chat this girl says “our good friend x is no longer our good friend she blocked me” . A couple do laughing faces and ask why did she block her?

This girl then says “let’s gang up on her”. I didn’t see any of the replies as it was a screen shot from a friend. Same girl puts on her personal story tagging my DD’s friends “let’s fuck her up” with a picture of my DD and her as a cartoon with her face on it going to kick DD

Same girl tried to add DD back to Snapchat, and then started texting her why did DD block her. I text back on behalf of DD that she didn’t feel they are friends after the nasty comments and wanted to move on.

Later that night two old friends messaged DD, asking why she blocked this girl and was my DD not there friends anymore either. DD was upset and said yes she’s friends but she couldn’t go to the next disco with them as she knew that a call was put out to gang up on her and DD was worried she was going to be beaten up.
DD also told them her parents knew about the group page and would be speaking to the old school on Monday if it didn’t stop.
Both these friends went straight back to the other girl and told her that we had screen shots. About midnight a message from another girl came through with the girls face saying “I’m
Sorry I want to be friends please add me back so we can talk”

I took a screen shot and DD did not reply. The friend who told DD about the group and got screen shots is now under fire as they could see who screenshot it. She won’t tell her parents and she goes to school with the teen who started the group

I got my DD to delete her full Snapchat and to make sure she shows me any more text messages if there is any.
Is this cyber bullying? Are the threats made about my DD strong enough to take futher? Or should we just sit and wait to see if there’s any more feedback after DD deleting her snap chat account?
As you can imagine we’re all really upset of it

ali
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#2 Post by ali »

I think the worst thing you did was replying to them. Your dd is in a new school so she does not need to interact with these girls at all on a daily basis. Personally I would just buy your dd a new SIM card with a new number on it and let her give that number to her new group of friends. So that will stop the messages.

Only problem the is the worry if your dd goes to any disco in the future are the mean girls going to be there. Not sure what to do, is contacting the main girls parents an option just to say what has been going on, that you have copies of the messages and that while they are young girls and you don't want to get anyone in trouble that if it continues you will have to take it further as it is impacting on your dd's life.

apache
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#3 Post by apache »

The way to deal with this is to take the power away from the girl in question by not engaging with her. Don’t respond to her again, block her as necessary and move on.

Tell your DD to refuse to discuss the girl with her friends. Engaging in a discussion about it makes it a topic of gossip and makes the bullying a self fulfilling prophecy.

Rita
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#4 Post by Rita »

It is cyber bullying and I would really worry about the girl who showed the screenshots to your dd as she could be a target now. I don't think I could leave it. Do her parents know

Very worried
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#5 Post by Very worried »

Thanks for the replies

No Rita her parents don’t know. She won’t tell them. She’s asking DD not to take it futher so hence my post as I now have her to consider.

Speaking with the parent isn’t an option. Her daughter didn’t lick it off a stone so it speak.

We only engaged once with her by text to explain why DD deleted her and to ask could she just move on.
Snap chat has been fully deleted since yesterday and the suggestion of a new Sim is excellent. I never thought of that

Nodrog
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#6 Post by Nodrog »

This little madam and her cronies need to be dealt with.
It’s all very well saying don’t engage/ignore and it will go away, what then they pick on another child?

I would go to the community guard with the screen shots and ask their advice, rather than contacting parents... a visit from the guard could give her the sharp shock she needs.
What does your DD say?

ETA it’s great that she came to you in the first place and told you about it.
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Very Worried
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#7 Post by Very Worried »

Oh Amber that’s terrible, you DD was brave to stand up to her.

Nodrog, wise words. I thought I maybe over reacting to go to the community Garda but I think it has to be done.
I definitely think it’s a home environment that’s not helping this girl. DD just wants it to go away and get on with her new life. DD didn’t want to move schools but we moved too and it was silly not using the school next door. Boy am I glad I did! I wasn’t long seeing that DD’s bad attitude stemmed from who she was friends with. Since the move she’s a much nicer person

HeyJude
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#8 Post by HeyJude »

Is the friend who did the screen-shot and sent it to your daughter a good friend still and do they see each other outside school? Do you know her parents? I think a quick call to her Mam would be a good idea especially as she may be the next one on the receiving end of the bullying (and yes it is cyber-bullying). If I was her parent I'd like to know so that I could be pro-active even if my DD didn't want to tell me herself.

I would consider the community guard and also would it be worth making the new school aware of it if its ever possible that there will be interaction between the two schools or that the instigator has 'friends' in the new school and can move it on there.

Good on your DD for telling you and feeling she could tell you.

RDR
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#9 Post by RDR »

I don't know if this will be useful but I've heard this guy speak also. Key points (included in the slides) are do not respond; as a parent do not get into on-line contact; to not delete.
http://www.npcpp.ie/attachments/_attach ... Minton.pdf

There are a lot of good publications available on-line if you google (Irish publications so referencing Irish legislation (which isn't currently great)).

Unnamed poster 6
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#10 Post by Unnamed poster 6 »

I have been dealing with this in an adult group I've been involved in, to another person. This horrible stuff going on, culminating in a horrible act I called it out, and now have been alienated myself. I cannot understand that adults will condone bullying (well I can, no one wants to upset the ringleaders because they'll be isolated). Never encountered anything like this.
So well done on your DD and to you.
I would have a confidential word with the school. It's not easy...

Very Worried
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#11 Post by Very Worried »

That’s for that link RDR, very useful.

Pearl, doesn’t it show you that bullies are everywhere. I find groups of women/girls brings out the real personalities of people and then they show their true colors. Those supporting the bully in your case are just as bad. If people don’t speak up it’s just normalizing bullying behavior.

So nothing here since Saturday, when we deleted snap chat. One girl did text saying blocking people is just asking for drama but DD didn’t reply. After speaking with a community Garda it transpires it’s not the 1st time to hear the name but they could never link her to the act as she used an anonymous chat group in the last incident and the wrong person got blamed by the school as this girl just pretended nothing. DD said it all adds up now as she the bully loses the plot when someone stands up to her and deletes her snap chat from their account.

I’m leaving it now in the hands of the guard and they are aware of the full situation on the friend that helped too.

Thanks for the advise

Nodrog
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#12 Post by Nodrog »

I've been thinking of you, and your DD a lot.
No pm function on anon but was wondering how you are both doing?

HeyJude
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#13 Post by HeyJude »

I'm glad to hear that the guards look like they will do something even if its just to approach the school. I hope you and your DD are doing ok. It is sad that adults are the same but they are. And it's not just women. One the worst people I've come across on Whatsapp for bullying is a man.

Unnamed poster 6
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#14 Post by Unnamed poster 6 »

I too am glad that the guards are looking into it. But yes Very Worried they are everywhere.

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Coro
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Re: Is it Cyber bullying?

#15 Post by Coro »

This is awful my dd was put through something similar but she was in 5th year. The stress is enormous. Hopefully it will pass and the guard involvement will be sufficient to stop this situation escalating.

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