10 year old personality change impossible

[Nelope]

My 10’year old DS has always been a loving affectionate little boy, he had a few mild quirks but nothing that I was too worried about, lots of friends very popular loved hugs from us, snuggling up on the sofa to watch movies etc very mild mannered. Since July/August he has completely changed. It started off with him coming in crying/upset from playing on the green before he would have stayed out all day long not a bother but during the summer he was coming in a lot throughout the day and sometimes not going out again. Then we noticed tick, started with one and he now has about 20. He has an obsession/compulsion to go out in the green and kick his ball looking for ‘the perfect shot’ he could stay out there all day and night doing the same routine over and over, he doesn’t interact with any of the children around him. He gets aggressive has major meltdown if not allowed to perform this compulsion. He doesn’t like to be touched, flinches and wipes himself even if you just brush past him. We got an emergency apt with CAMHS we met them last week with DS, he was a nightmare just to get him into the apt, they suggested it could be aspergers or asd and possibly adhd. We initially thought ourselves he had maybe been bullied outside on the green and he had some sort of anxiety. Since the apt he has gotten way worse he won’t let us touch him he calls us names never talks to us normally only insults us. We spoke to our local family support Centre who recommended we get very strict only let him have the ball for a set amount of time. Have immediate consequences for bad behavior. We started last night with confiscating his ball as he was awful all week while his dad was away. He broke down the house but we didn’t give in. He was the same this morning, We gave him half an hour but he freaked as soon as the half hour was up. We are up the walls with worry CAMHS said they won’t be reviewing his case until 29th October then we have to wait for a report, a school observation, a psychology apt x3 before they meet again to review him make a decision so it could be months. We can’t live like this we have 2 other children, they told us to bring him to a&e if we were desperate but we physically can’t. His meltdowns are frighting hell breakdown the house if he doesn’t get to kick his ball. Sorry this is all jumbled. We are all upset, frustrated don’t know where to turn.



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[Bugs]

I'm really sorry you are all going through this. I don't know what to say or recommend but maybe phone the out of hours GP or your local GP if there is somebody there today.

[Nelope]

I have done that they just say to bring him to a&e I have a letter from my gp for a&e but we physically cannot bring him. He freaks out over doctors hospitals, even if we got him
There under false pretenses he would lash out and we would not be able to handle him even get him to the front door nevermind sitting in a waiting room. It’s the most frustrating place to be in, if he had broken arm it would be treat straight away but they think mental illness or whatever it is can wait. Thanks for the post appreciate it. xx


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[janeymac]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have no advice, just an observation. Your family support centre advised taking his ball off him after a certain period of time and strict punishment for bad behaviour. It seems from what you say this is making the situation worse. As it seems this advice was given in a void with no actual diagnosis of your son or what is happening with him internally if you like, I think I would disregard this advice.
I think I would go along with your son as much as possible at the moment until you have some sort of professional diagnosis or advice. I think I might go along with the unreasonable compulsions as long as not dangerous for the moment if stopping them causes meltdowns. Just to get through this period.
It sounds awful for you but would the path of least resistance be useful just in the interim until you know what you're dealing with and what really will help him and the situation.

[Grasscutter]

Was there any mention of OCD? was there any event in the family that could have triggered it? Death or terminal illness of a relative? I had no idea what had triggered DD’s difficult behaviour and OCD ticks until I started talking through what had been going on at the time and then the penny dropped as to how all that would have appeared to her. It sounds very very difficult and that you are not getig the supports you need. I hope that changes.

[Nelope]

Hi janey, I know what you are mean I do think you have a point and I have left him get away with almost everything for the past few weeks in order to avoid the meltdowns. We didn’t know what other way to handle it. I was surprised tbh with the advice I got from the family support Centre but we are willing to try anything at this stage. She explained even if he has asd or whatever he still needs to respect the rules and adults etc I really don’t know if we are doing right or wrong tbh.


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[mcmammy2]

I would agree that you should give him the ball. There is a fantastic book called the explosive child. While you are waiting for an appointment download it if you can. I found it very helpful. It is written to help parents whose children have meltdowns with Asperger's and ADHD in mind. In my experience strict consequences don't work with a child who has meltdowns we need a different approach. Also have you considered a private assessment? They are expensive but we are going down that route as the wait is quite long. Obviously it depends on your circumstances. Best of luck

[Nelope]

Grass cutter, camhs didn’t mention OCD but that was our initial thought from reading up on symptoms etc they said in camhs it’s very rare at that age but the onset is very sudden, he has the compulsions he thinks something bad will happen if he doesn’t perform his compulsion, he doesn’t like touch, germs won’t eat with certain cutlery, looks for stains this is all very recent


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[switzwo]

I didn't want to read and not comment but can I just say I'm sorry to hear your son is experiencing this and I'm sorry you arr going through it. Is there any option of contacting a private psychologist perhaps who could see him more urgently?

The sad thing is you are right if he presented with a broken limb they will treat straight away but things like this can "wait"...

[Magpie]

Your poor little boy, mental health is such a fragile thing.

I am absolutely no expert but am not sure taking the ball off him is a good idea. I would think you need to try to find out why he feels the need to carry out this compulsion.

Compulsions can often be a sign of OCD, a friend of DD's suffered from this and had many compulsions e.g. One of them was that she couldn't enter her living room by going through the door, she used to climb in the window. She thought that if she went through the door, something awful would happen to her parents.

I would be doing my best to try to talk to psychologist even if it means going without your son. Unfortunately it sounds like you might have to deal with this privately but even a couple of appointments while you are waiting on CAMHS might be really helpful.

I really feel for you as those things just take over your whole family life.

Have just read the last few replies and I see some posters have already mentioned OCD

[Halfalump]

My dd is similar in a lot of ways but she’s always been that way , the taking things as a punishment really really doesn’t work for her , it just makes her worse . There’s a reason for the behavior that needs to be found and punishing it won’t find that . The explosive child is a really helpful book . I admit I do lose the head sometimes and punish the behavior , I’m human , but then I see why it doesn’t work and go back to trying to find the cause . It’s hard it really is , it’s hard for you but imagine how horrible it is for them too , can’t be nice to be so out of control . Dd doesn’t have tics or much ocd like behaviors but she does demand routine and structure and woebetide anyone who tries to deviate from what she’s in her head is meant to happen .

[Grasscutter]

I think OCD is one of the most misunderstood conditions. I have a book on OCD for kids - I can send to you if you like. Came highly recommended and a lot makes sense but frankly I think not much good without treatment. I was given similar advice - not to indulge the compulsions but like you I found it too hard to cope with the explosions that would follow if I didn’t. Thankfully DD has got better not worse over time - I do plan to try and tackle the compulsions again soonby way of bargaining. Now I can reason with her I’ll bribe her not to go through with them. Need to get her in the right frame of mind though before we negotiate. My thinking is that it is worse when anxiety is high so I would try and reduce his anxiety as much as possible-he is probably picking up on your anxiety too. Best of luck with him.

[rosepetal]

Grass cutter, camhs didn’t mention OCD but that was our initial thought from reading up on symptoms etc they said in camhs it’s very rare at that age but the onset is very sudden, he has the compulsions he thinks something bad will happen if he doesn’t perform his compulsion, he doesn’t like touch, germs won’t eat with certain cutlery, looks for stains this is all very recent


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My friends ds developed OCD at around 9 or 10, his compulsions involved turning things on and off, counting etc and it was related to his anxiety. He was referred to camhs and they saw him regularly , they also gave him relaxation exercises and techniques to help. He did settle down after about a year r so with their help, and now he's 19 and has had no compulsions or issues for a long time. I really feel for you , I remember how distressed my friends boy was, the compulsions are so strong and the anxiety is awful.

[Darva]

If you are in Dublin and want to go private Blaithnaid Gavin is a child psychiatrist who only sees primary school children.

Also if you need to get him to a doctors appointment would bribery work?

[apache]

Could you have the GP come to the house for an assessment and referral?

I've heard good things about Blathnaid Gavin recently from another parent. It seems to me that he needs to be seen urgently, is there a possibility that you could have him privately assessed? I also agree that you should give him back the football for the moment if it helps him.