Starting to think we need to separate

[Anon2018]

Regular user gone anon. I haven't talked to a single soul about this IRL and I feel like I'm cracking up. I've been married 11 years. 2 kids. We're together 16 years. I know from the outset that I rushed into marrying him and I know this sounds stupid but I felt like I'd be "left on the shelf" if I didn't. Self esteem was very low at the time. He's not from Ireland and moved here just to be with me. Over the years we have drifted further and further apart, though we have both made the effort at different times to try to make it work. Sex is non-existent and has been that way for years. That doesn't bother me but I'm sure it bothers him. We don't talk about it. I can't put my finger on a specific problem but we just clash. We never stop arguing. We are so different. I'm very outgoing and social. He's very shy and finds it difficult to make friends. He is very laidback. I'm go go go. His lack of ambition and laissez faire attitude drive me mad. He's a great Dad but works long hours. I work full time too but my hours are shorter and I spend more time with the kids. Lately he has met a group of friends from work and started going out and not coming home until 7am. Not every weekend but occasionally. He's then useless to me for the entire day the next day. I don't drink much but would have lots of friends so would go out more than him on weekends but I'd be up fresh in the morning. This has become a real source of contention. If I say anything about these long nights out I'm told that I get way more time than him to socialise. It's just one of our many arguments.
An opportunity has now come up for us to buy a new house as we've finally come out of negative equity but I'm starting to think it's a bad idea. I just don't know how I'd manage financially on my own. It might mean moving back in with my parents as we currently rent.
He's a nice man so I feel I should just let him go so he gets a chance at happiness with someone else. The kids are sick of us fighting and DS is in particular very angry all the time. Neither have ever seen us being affectionate. We're not good role models.
Is it worth getting counselling and trying to make it work when I feel like I'm just not in love with him anymore?

[RDR]

From what you've described I would say they are the kinds of issues that can be talked about and possibly resolved. Ending a marriage is a huge step. I would definitely give counselling a go.

[Unnamed poster 6]

Go to counseling. It will help. Even if that help is clarity in what you want. Or how to communicate.

[Anon2018]

Where do I start in terms of seeking counselling? I'm in Dublin. When I google it comes up with Accord mostly. Aren't they a Catholic group? I'm not Catholic or religious.
Ds has been referred to Lucena because of his behavioural issues. I know they stem from the atmosphere and constant fighting in the house. I imagine we will be spoken to about this. Should I just wait for that? it could be a 6 month wait though.

[Unnamed poster 6]

You could ring your family resource centre for advice.