Divorce

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Allmyfault
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Divorce

#1 Post by Allmyfault »

Over the last year I have gambled away €8000 and my husband has just found out. He has kicked me out of the house and has said he is going for divorce and custody of the kids. He said the courts will see me as a gambling addict and an unfit mother.

Will this happen?

Allmixedup
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Re: Divorce

#2 Post by Allmixedup »

There is no fault based system of Divorce here.

It based on whether or not you have been separated for 4/previous 5 years..

Your husband could certainly apply for a Separatipn, and for custody of the children and the Court will decide custodial issues in the best interest of the children. It may well be that it is not in the children’s interests to live with you while you have this addiction.

He cannot kick you out of the house.

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felicity
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Re: Divorce

#3 Post by felicity »

I am sure that he is in shock and very angry right now which is understandable. Give hime some time to calm down and in the meantime get yourself sorted with yourself for your addiction problems.

If you are in Cork I can give you the number of a great addiction counsellor.

Grasscutter
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Re: Divorce

#4 Post by Grasscutter »

God bless you that is a horrible addiction to be afflicted with and what you need right now is support. I really hope you get the help you need. Get legal advice as soon as you can. I don’t think he can kick you out even if the house is in his name.

Starryeyedsurprise
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Re: Divorce

#5 Post by Starryeyedsurprise »

You poor thing. It sounds like he acted out of anger. You need help and support. Have you somewhere to stay tonight ?

Angel
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Re: Divorce

#6 Post by Angel »

You know this may not happen. Your husband is upset and shocked I’m sure. Give him some time to absorb this news. In the meantime try doing something about the gambling.

taximom
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Re: Divorce

#7 Post by taximom »

No advice on the divorce part but I would think he is in shock and reacting to that . Have you tried to get help for it ? There are lots of websites with info

https://www.problemgambling.ie/resources.html
http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/
https://www.thegamblingclinic.ie/
https://www.rutlandcentre.ie/addictions ... t/gambling


The first one looks like a good place to start . Good luck .

Allmyfault
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Re: Divorce

#8 Post by Allmyfault »

The house is in both our names. 3 kids under 5.

I'm staying with family they are supporting me.

He said there will be conditions to me being allowed move back into his house. One being that I give him all access to my bank accounts

I will be contacting gamblers anonymous on Monday

Kensington
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Re: Divorce

#9 Post by Kensington »

Look, I have every sympathy for your husband. It must be a great shock for him and a worry.

But he has no right to kick you out of the house and has not right to make unilateral decisions about the children. Obviously you need to sort yourself out in a serious way but I don't see why you should be out of your home and your children getting half-assed information about why mum isn't home because he discovered something that has been on-going for the past year.

What do your children need or want? How is it going to work you being out of the house in the immediate term? What is he going to tell them? I think he needs to calm down and you need to get a grip on your problem but there really shouldn't be any "mum has done bad things and can't live with us right now" or whatever his plan is. That isn't in your children's best interest. You both need to figure out how this is going to work. A gambling debt may ruin your marriage but it doesn't mean you can't be an effective mother - obviously there may be other issues you aren't telling us about.

If I were you I would stay with family tonight, text him and say you are staying with family and please don't say anything to the children until you meet with him. Then plan on meeting tomorrow and tell him the idea of you just moving out isn't going to work. I would also contact Gamblers Anonynmous as a matter of urgency - should be the first call you make.
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Shivvy
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Re: Divorce

#10 Post by Shivvy »

You dont need to wait till Monday to contact GA. Do that now. Or find the nearest meeting to you. But GA will only work if you want to get better. Not if you want to stop just because you've been caught.

I have every sympathy with your husband - I live with an addict & while hes not active, its exceptionally hard to forget when he was active & the lies and manipulation.

In saying that, I doubt he has any legal right to keep you out of the house. If you co-own you are entitled to stay in the house.

It does sound like there is more going on than him just suddenly finding out about your gambling & the money gone & this was a knee jerk reaction.

I would also stay with family for tonight & go back to the house tomorrow to start to deal with the fallout.

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Allmixedup
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Re: Divorce

#11 Post by Allmixedup »

Kensington a gambling addiction absolutely impacts on how children are parented; it may not be as visual as a parent with a drink or drugs issue but money squandered through gambling comes from the family budget and or ads to the family debt and it does impact on children.

I’m seeing it every day.

Addiction and the nature of it the secrecy, the lying all impacts on a parents effectiveness as a parent; the inability to place the children’s needs and wants above your own need to gamble.

I’m speaking generally here.

Kensington
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Re: Divorce

#12 Post by Kensington »

I appreciate that Allmixed up. Of course everything a parent does impacts on their children. But it may not be in the best interests of a child for their mother to be suddenly gone from the home forever. I would say this if it was a father who had the gambling debt too.

If you are married no children - then I would say do whatever you want - say it is over, precipitate a hard end to the marriage etc.

But If you have children, you can say the marriage is over but you cannot say that the relationship with the children and where everyone lives and how their daily lives go is over - that is not in their best interests.

When I say "your" I don't mean you - I mean the husband in this case. I have every sympathy for him but there are children involved here and they both need to think about them.

Allmixedup
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Re: Divorce

#13 Post by Allmixedup »

I was speaking generally Kensington.

I don’t agree that one person cannot make unilateral agreements regarding the children and who can live where - of course they can depending on the risk posed to them and/or their children by the other parent.

The common example would be a woman throwing g an abusive partner out of the home while awaiting interim orders from the Courts to firm up her position.

Or stopping access if there is a concern.

As I said speaking g generally and my main point was that gambling is absolutely as ruinous to a person and their ability to be a spouse/ effective parent as any other addiction.

Allmyfault
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Re: Divorce

#14 Post by Allmyfault »

My kids have not been affected. They have need went without love, needs or material things. My husband never even noticed until I told him about it.

He is a very possive and controlling man in a sly way. He is rarely at home and when he does spend time with the kids he gets angry very easily and is very dismissive of them.

I'm.currently on maternity leave so with the kids 24/7.

I have them with me now

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