Dad unwell and under pressure from relatives

[Moto Moto]

Some perspective needed here as I am under severe pressure and very stressed at the minute so not thinking straight .

My dad is very unwell without two much detail he has had a massive heart attack and in ccu since last Sunday but too unstable to do angiogram etc . In saying this he is now conscious and able to make decisions. We have a very small family basically myself my mam and my two boys that’s it so I have been running between all including the fact the hospital he is in is 2 hours away .

Anyway I have a few cousins that there was a falling out with that my dad does not want contact with and he has valid reasons. Here is the problem I have been contacted by someone another relative that believes that I am very wrong with not telling these cousins about his condition etc . He has asked me not to and there is no question of me disobeying his express wishes .

This is causing me untold stress . It is out there how unwell he is and they are giving out they have not been told and I am receiving messages to say I am wrong from others and they should be told . I don’t need this stress on top of trying to keep it all together.

Any ideas how to deal with this I have just made it clear I won’t be going against him etc he can make decisions am I being unreasonable here . Thanks


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[ginny]

What does your mum think?

I think I would put word back that yes he is unwell, yes I didn’t tell you as I am respecting his wishes.
If they can’t respect that then that’s on them not you.

[NDM]

I'd respect his wishes tbh as he's your dad. However you're caught in the middle and will have to deal with the fallout. Are your feelings the same as your dad's? Do you have to take on historical events?
It's bad enough for you without being a scapegoat.
Can you distance yourself from the situation.

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[SpottyLotty]

If this other person knows of the falling out I would just reply "it is my fathers wish they not be told and I am respecting my father wish" end of done & dusted. No need for anything else

[the famous five]

Anyone who makes such a traumatic time about them instead of your dad doesn’t deserve a second thought.
Read over where you said you have a small family. You your mum your dad and your boys.
Then exclude everyone else right now.

I would agree with amber. Sorry to hear your dad is unwell.

[Nodrog]

Let them give out, ignore ignore ignore.
It really is none of their business, your father has expressed his wishes, clearly.
You have enough on your plate without worrying about noses being out of joint.
Wishing your father a speedy recovery.

[Moto Moto]

Thanks all I am involved in the falling out and was a witness to why it can not be mended . What was said to a elderly man can never be forgotten my dad is 82 but sharp as a button . Others don’t know why it happened or what was said but he made it clear he never wanted contact again .

My mum will abide by his wishes 100 per cent . I have txt back and said not dealing with this right now and my only concern is him and I will respect his wishes . One of them knows and turned her head the other way when saw my mum today so I think that says it all to me .

Heading back tomorrow I had to come back to work and boys for last 2 days . Hospital have been fantastic and after a night in hotel got us accommodation right opposite the hospital so my mum could stay etc .


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[April]

Sorry to hear your Dad is ill.

If these people persist in contacting you, maybe block their phone numbers, especially the person that snubbed your Mum today.

[StarryNight]

You need to shut out this stress. It is hard enough to navigate health difficulties without unnecessary drama. Your dad and your own family are the only people to worry about now. Let the ones causing hassle gossip and complain among themselves.
Self care is crucial at a time like this.

[Lady Madonna]

You need to shut out this stress. It is hard enough to navigate health difficulties without unnecessary drama. Your dad and your own family are the only people to worry about now. Let the ones causing hassle gossip and complain among themselves.
Self care is crucial at a time like this.

This exactly

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[Iamsoneedy]

Follow your Dad’s wishes. And don’t dare feel a bit bad about it. People who show up and make other people’s illnesses about them are just not worth giving a second thought to. Hope things improve for you all.

[Ribbit]

I am sorry to hear your dad is ill, you need to tell those cousins to feck right off.

Another relative busy bodied their way into this, demanded that you tell your dad's nieces and nephews, your cousins, about the state of his health when there is history there and your dad specifically said not to tell them?

Ah here, that's just not on. As you said the fact that he is ill is out there, no secret, sure won't the busy body pass on the information whether you or your Dad like it or not?

And anyway, being 2 hours from the hospital and you in a tizzy worrying and looking after him, your mum and kids, the last thing you want to be doing, or have time to be doing is informing troublesome cousins. The nerve of them.

Xxx

[Raving]

Why can't these people tell the cousins themselves if they are that concerned about it?

[mumtoa]

So sorry to hear your dad is unwell. Hope he starts to recover soon.
I echo what Amber said! Don't concern yourself with them.

[Novbaby31]

Sorry to hear your Dad is unwell. Agree with everyone else - focus on your Dad and forget the rest. Your Dad is the priority and you need to mind yourself as well.