He hit me

[What2do]

DH and I went out Saturday, we both had a lovely time but came home to an incident in the house of a domestic appliance matter, causing damage in the house, which he blamed me for.
He got cross and started roaring and bawling around the place, blaming me, telling me I was wrong, it was all my fault.
I kept telling him it wasn't my fault, that it was just "one of those things" and it could have happened as easily if we were at home as it did while we were out.
He was having none of it, it was all my fault.
He started to blame me for everything, short of shooting JFK and the world economic crisis.
I kept pleading my case and then he just turned and hit me across the face.
He has not apologised.
He did not have a lot to drink but has no recollection at all of hitting me.
He wanted to talk yesterday when I told him what happened, but I just could not be bothered listening to him because right now in my eyes he is a pathetic excuse for a man.
He cannot remember it at all.
I have no feelings or emotions at all for him.
It's like I have been rebooted.
I am not at all upset by the whole thing. I am relieved it wasn't hard enough to leave a mark because I don't know how I would turn into work today otherwise.
I am just indifferent, in shock perhaps? Numb?

I am now wondering what to do next.

Do I get him to pack his bags and leave? I was always a woman who said this would be the case, but now I am scared, not for me, but scared of ending what is more often than not a very happy and friendly marriage.
I would rather see him fixed than to separate, and I know that sounds pathetic to some, but I do not feel I am ready to give up everything we do have without trying to fix it all.
Do I tell him to talk to somebody?

Has anybody seen their OH act out of character and then be ok after?

I know hitting isn't right or acceptable, I know that do it once, they will do it again, I know all those lines.

I just don't know what to do next.

[GingerCat]

He hasn't apologised. He claims not to remember, despite not having a lot to drink. I would read that as him just not having any respect for you. I would ask him to leave, and if he seeks help himself while away from you, consider reassessing the situation.

I'm sorry you've been put in this situation.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[Kensington]

He remembers it. He has just decided to say he doesn't because it is easier for him.

If he won't face what he did, you can't really fix it or him can you.

Ask him to leave. Like Ginger said, if he gets help, maybe you can salvage something. not sure I could tbh. You'll never have an argument again without worrying what will happen. sorry also you have had to deal with this.

[dutchie]

Is this out of character for him?? Has he lost his temper with you before??? I don't believe for one second that he can't remember hitting you...... So sorry this has happened to you...... You need to talk to him when you are ready to have that conversation and tell him that under no circumstances is he to hit you again..... if he does - he packs his bags and he goes......

[angelika]

Claiming not to remember makes it easy for him not to apologise or address his behaviour, doesn't it? Smacks of gaslighting to me.

I know it's easy to say from a distance but the not remembering and the lack of remorse would make me very reluctant to continue.

[fourarms]

Whether he remembers or not, a sincere apology would be the least I'd expect to start with. Do you have children? To be honest I don't think I could look at him, never mind live with him, and for my it would be the end of my marriage. Easy for me to say that though when I'm not in the situation. Has he ever been aggressive, "roaring and bawling" before? Is this normal, but just without the hitting? That would be a concern too, we have arguments, but nobody roars or bawls at anyone.

[Unnamed poster5]

So sorry you are going through this. I know from experience that if they do it once they will do it again. He remembers - you do not act like that and just NOT remember. The fact he is not on bended knee looking for forgiveness would scare me. Tell him to leave and seek help or you cannot let him back in. As the saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

[CLBG]

I don't have any experience but I can imagine and relate to your confusion and shock. I think that's probably where the numbness is coming from. At the end of the day, if you allow him to stay, you are telling him that what he did is not so bad and effectively giving him permission to do it again. We all need very firm boundaries in place in relationships and, when a certain line is crossed (and hitting would be one of those), there need to be very clear and unequivocal consequences. Remember your value and, as another poster said, imagine a daughter / niece / sister coming to you with the same. I imagine you know what you would say. It doesn't have to be the absolute end of the relationship, if he gets lots of help over time and you feel confident that he has changed, but there has to be a clear message to him that you won't tolerate anyone hitting you. I would tell him to leave, give yourself time to think and get over the shock, and then evaluate the situation.

[Millie]

Would it be so bad to say 'If you ever touch me again, it's over?'. I have no experience of this but if DH lost his temper and hit me.. as I type this I know now that would be the end actually. How could you trust them again?

[KikkiD]

Has it ever happened before or is this just a once off? Is he under pressure with work or something else (not that this is an excuse). I cannot believe he doesn't remember it either. As CLBG says you would need to put boundaries in place, this cannot happen ever again. I do think you need time apart to get some thinking time too.

[apache]

What would concern me is if he is aware that he did it from you telling him and he is still refusing to apologise. If he was absolutely contrite after doing something while drunk I might be inclined to warn him that if it happened again he'd be out on his ear but the refusal to apologise would be a deal breaker for me.

[StarryNight]

This would be the end for me. He knows what he did.

[Vino]

Does he usually fly off the handle like this, not making excuses but could his irrational behaviour and subsequent lack of memory be down to a bad drink or intolerance to a certain drink?

I don't know what I'd do in this situation but how he reacts would influence me a lot. It doesn't come across as though he's remorseful or ashamed of his behaviour. Also this maybe something you can't forgive or move on from.
Can you ever see yourself been able to respect him again or trusting he won't do this again?
I think you probably need professional advice from people trained to deal with DV, they'll have seen and heard every scenario and will have better advice than any of us.
I think you need to ask him to stay elsewhere for now anyway for your own safety, his behaviour and subsequent reaction to what he did are not good.

[Milis]

Aside from the violence, is it out of character for him to blame you for a household appliance breaking? That seems irrational in itself, never mind what came after it.