He hit me

[Aruba]

Is it wrong to consider the shouting and screaming in my face more of a heartbreaker than a slap? I would be more upset at him being so disrespectful. I dont know you or your husband but you have a lot to think about. Dont make any rash decisions. I am so sorry you are going through this. How dare he put his hands on you.

[omgit]

Has it ever happened before or is this just a once off? Is he under pressure with work or something else (not that this is an excuse). I cannot believe he doesn't remember it either. As CLBG says you would need to put boundaries in place, this cannot happen ever again. I do think you need time apart to get some thinking time too.

You do realise that there is no such thing as that one off? That men (or women) simply do not suddenly flip from being a prince amongst men (or princess etc..) for 20 years to smacking their wives one across the chops because they have a bad day at work? That the boundaries being suggested here were already in place and were crossed the minute that slap landed? How many of us sat our husbands down before we married and 'put boundaries in place' that included the conversation 'now darling, you know that there's a boundary in place to ensure you aren't under the impression that it is OK for you to slap me around when we get irritated with each other?'. There's already a boundary in place. Legislation prohibiting assault.

OP, unless you have reason to believe that your husband is has suddenly developed a severe psychiatric condition, he remembers this. He has crossed a line and the odds are massively, massively stacked against this never happening again.

The average woman is assaulted 35 times by a partner before reporting it to the police. You could have 34 assaults to go. Or you could stop it now. It's your choice. But believe me, whichever decision you make, it will not stop here. If your husband had genuinely lost control to the extent that he slapped you in a way that was totally and genuinely out of character, he would be sick with himself. He would be frightened at what he had done and he would be seeking help on his own iniative to make sure that it never ever happened again. Today. He would not be pretending he couldn't remember it due to the headrush you created with the f**k up on whatever appliance is more important than the state of your face.

The one common trait all abusers share. It'll always be your fault they hit you.

[MonkeyBars]

My mother’s father ( I would never call that man my grandfather) used to slap my lovely nanny around. He would ask her the next morning where she got her bruises from, he ‘couldn’t remember’ either . My very brave lovely nanny kicked his ass To the kerb over 50 years ago when being abused by your husband was nearly the norm. Don’t put up with it pleaee

[Lady Madonna]

He wanted to talk but you didn't want to listen and TBH that's understandable. But did you hear what he had to say in the end? Maybe he's a swine who's working up what to say to make himself look good. Maybe on Valentine's day he'll shower you with red roses but gestures like that are for his own benefit to ease his conscience.

Lots of people have got so drunk that they've done things they don't remember, but they still have to take responsibility for whatever they've done. It's nobody's fault only their own. People remember what they want to remember.

I second the advice to call women's aid.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

[Angel]

I agree. I would be more concerned about the fact he isn’t taking responsibility and apologising for it.

I hope you’re ok tonight. Him blaming you for the appliance going wrong is a big red flag to me never mind the rest of it

[SpottyLotty]

Absolute deal breaker for me. I have 1 rule that I will never let myself break and it's:

Raise your hand to me and you're done, no exceptions. I don't care if you're sorry or not you're never going to get the chance to do it a 2nd time

[Donnie]

Hope you are ok OP, it would be a deal breaker for me also. Especially as he is not admitting to it.

[Tinky]

Hope you are ok this morning OP, no advice as I haven't been in this exact situation but ime not taking responsibility for actions that hurt others is worrying. Wishing you well whatever you decide x

[CLBG]

Keep talking on here OP, even if what you decide to do goes against the advice given here. We will still want to be there for you, no matter what you decide. Some of us have been in this type of situation, but the vast majority have not and I can only imagine the confusion, upset, and shock you are experiencing.

[Unnamed poster 6]

So sorry to read this. Thinking of you. The hit is worrying - but so also is blaming you for everything.

[Groucho]

No experience of this, so not wanting to try to advise, but to echo CLBG, please continue to post and tap into the support network here - even if what you ultimately decide to do differs from the advice you are getting. This is probably not something you will feel comfortable telling family or friends who know you/him, at least initially, until you digest it yourself so do offload to us here. Hope you are OK. I can't imagine the shock you must be feeling.

[What2do]

Thank you all for you advice.
It is very easy to say to walk away. To do it is another thing.
Trust has been broken, badly.
Respect is gone.
I do not feel like talking or looking at him.
True, a hit is a hit. There is no denying that.
Will I give up on my marriage and the happiness of my family so fast? I am not so sure.
It is easy, in theory, to walk away, but I do think that I would be willing soon to talk with him and make my decision from there. I do not yet want to engage in a conversation because I do not want to give in easy, to make out life is wonderful again when the emotional scar runs far deeper than the physical touch.

There is such a thing as a second chance and remorse.
Would I be a fool to give a second chance?

I did send a message reflecting what a poster here wrote, if it was our daughter who came to us with this story about her husband what would he feel, or do or advise.

Thank you all again who replied.

[What2do]

I wrote a reply yesterday but it did not appear on here.
Thank you all for the time you took to reply.

[JoJo]

Definitely call women's aid, they can give advice and support. It would be a deal breaker for me too. Having 'been there, done that' I don't believe it would be a once off, for want of a better way to explain, the mould is broken. I went out with a guy, lived together, was besotted with him. In my case it started with emotional abuse and then one day he slapped me across the face and it escalated from there. I know from the outside looking in I would have said, once and it was over, but you do want to believe he can change, things will be great again, love is blind etc ... but ... they don't change. Please think of yourself. I cannot believe he is saying he does not remember and has not even apologized, that is disgusting.

Mind yourself, ask for help, advice etc. x

[Stress test]

I'm going to go against everything I would have said years ago and say I would consider a second chance ,if it was a one off out of character thing.i would like to say it would be a deal breaker and I would not consider myself a weak person but we would have an awful lot to lose.when things calm down and you want to talk to him and hear what he has to say you will probably have a gut feeling about what you want to do.