Army

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RDR
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Re: Army

#31 Post by RDR »

Upset wrote: Tue Feb 14, 2023 11:53 amSaid life is moving too slow, college is boring. He just want life to move onto the exciting stuff. He needs a part time job and some hobbies and social life. He is very shy and finds social situations difficult and just spends his time at home or with us. He doesnt go out and just chats to his friends from school online. Im trying to encourage him but its difficult. I do think if he managed to push himself more socially he might not be as bored.
This is interesting coming from him. You're right that doing more than college might well address those feelings. A part-time job can be great as a social and growth opportunity but also for feeling part of the adult world. I don't know what his lecture load is but college often allows students time to do all sorts of things that they don't have time for later. He can make his life move faster by filling it with more than college. Would he join an archery club (do we have shooting ranges for guns?), go parachute jumping, do the things that he thinks would be exciting in the army. A lot of students find the transition to a college social life difficult. Some colleges are tougher going than others, some courses make it very difficult to connect with people because of size and some personalities find it more challenging than others. He has my sympathy on that but there are definitely other things he could be doing to broaden his horizons and to feel like he's living now. If he's thinking of college and a masters before the army then he should do himself the favour of getting the most from those college years. Life is too short to put 4-6 years on hold.

It is good that he talked to you. While he is legally an adult he is dealing with a new situation with the hamstringing of having a non-adult brain and very little experience of anything so being willing to talk things out is great. Hopefully you can keep the pathways to conversation open. It isn't about you directing him to do what you think is good or bad, but about him being able to talk out and work out what is right for him. Your input can be valuable without being the be-all-and-end-all iykwim.

While you can't make him do any of the things you think might help you may well be right that his discontent is because his range of activities is so limited. Maybe the army seems like it will package excitement for him iykwim.

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Re: Army

#32 Post by Upset »

Hi
Thank you all for your replies.
I know it was so many months ago but just to follow up.
So DS has finished his first year in college. Went off on a different tangent and no mention of the srmy, now hes confused again and is again looking to join the army after his degree and a masters.
Maybe im thinking wrong and id love to know what others think but im thinking its such a waste getting a degree and a masters and then joining the army.
I dont know if my thinking is wrong or not but how would others feels after putting child through college and then go to the army. I will support him whatever he does but just didn't envisage this.

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Re: Army

#33 Post by LucyS »

I really wouldn't worry about it at all.

If he is just finishing first year, it will be another three years before he finishes his degree and then another year to do his masters. This is a long way off and a lot will change in the interim. The great thing is that he will be three or four years older and will be in a much better position to decide what he wants to do. After all, it is his life and these will be his decisions.

I would just be delighted that he wants to complete his degree at this stage and I would take it as a good sign that he is even considering a masters. I would take it as a sign that he is more settled and happier in college. The important thing at this stage is that he has settled into college.
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Re: Army

#34 Post by Smoke »

Honestly i would put it to the back of my head. He wants to do his 3rd level education and if he goes with this current plan that will take him years, so he will be making that decision with a more mature mindset.
No matter how many degrees he'd gained though, if the military is his passion I just couldn't stand in his way.
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WineAndRosesAndGin
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Re: Army

#35 Post by WineAndRosesAndGin »

Lots of people in the army have degrees and masters. Don't consider it a waste. Even if it is, it's his life and education. Let him find his own path.
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Re: Army

#36 Post by molson »

As hard as it is we really need to let them make their own paths ,, I’ve had something similar over the last few years with DD and just had to accept she is an adult and has her own life path to carve out . DD since transition year has wanted to join the Gardai , I was totally against it for a few reasons , I felt it’s a dangerous career these day and I have a friend who was left with serious injuries after being attacked while in work as a Garda in Dublin .. which definitely coloured my opinion.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we talked to her and persuaded her to go to college and get a degree, which she did but wouldn’t say she actually had much interest in it. She is now almost 23, sitting her final exams in business and law and has already been accepted into the Gardai , she has deferred her start date until after the summer and she will travel for a few months first . I’m still not 100% for it but much more comfortable with her having more life experience, being a lot more mature than straight from school and having the degree to fall back on if it’s not what she expected .
I guess my point is , she knew what she wanted and yes we managed to defer it until she was a little older but at the end of the day it’s their lives, their pathway and their future,. Sometimes we just have to let things take their course with adult children.


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Re: Army

#37 Post by Smoke »

I agree molson.

Op you're fortunate your ds is not making any hasty decisions but ultimately if it's what he wants I think you should just roll with it.
We can't live their lives for them despite how much their decisions and choices might frustrate us. All we should do is prepare them for "adulting" as best we can.
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Re: Army

#38 Post by LucyS »

Siobhán McSweeney in her Bafta Speech last night:

“As my mother lay dying in the Bon Secours Hospital in Cork, one of the very last things she said to me was, would I not consider retraining as a teacher.
If she could see me now getting a Bafta for playing a teacher. Joke’s on you.”


We can't make decisions for our adult children. We can only equip them with the tools to help them to make their decisions. It's their lives and dreams, not ours.
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