Daughter relationship

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SarahBC
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Re: Daughter relationship

#286 Post by SarahBC »

Having all dd myself, I have found this to be one of the saddest posts I’ve read on Heymammy.

my heart goes out to you Sad Mum. Look after yourself and surround yourself with those who love and appreciate you.

ali
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Re: Daughter relationship

#287 Post by ali »

Would worry about substance abuse too or a mental illness, she is acting like a total stranger, angry and aggressive to you. I would have concern that mentally something is happening with her. Does your sister have any opinion on her total personality change? I would have concerns for a mental illness.

Im eating a dorito
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Re: Daughter relationship

#288 Post by Im eating a dorito »

I’d worry that there is some type of coercive control happening in her relationship, her behaviour is very extreme.

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tea
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Re: Daughter relationship

#289 Post by tea »

Putting someone on a pedestal is often an outward sign of an abusive relationship.
If there is really, really nothing that you at "fault" for and this is all following on from her relationship, I would be concerned.

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Re: Daughter relationship

#290 Post by Martha »

My heart goes out to you sadmum, it’s so hurtful and upsetting having your DD treating you all this way.
I hope you can bit by bit start to take care of you, your DH and other DD. Would you be able to meet with a counsellor - they might be able to support you with coping strategies.
Thinking of you

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Re: Daughter relationship

#291 Post by Sad mum »

We are confident from the start that it’s not drugs . I do think the boyfriend has his own issues , and what started out as us speaking to her about lack of respect at home , something that we would have resolved as a family , we feel he did interfere and encouraged her to move out and make it all seem a lot worse Than it is , they did seem very happy together, and they had a nice group of friends . I do believe though that he turned her against us . Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts .

Dnwa
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Re: Daughter relationship

#292 Post by Dnwa »

Have you sought counselling for yourself, I definitely think this would be good for you and coach you along the way how to manage situations.

For example the cards , I would not have posted them so it made her come visit should she want them .
In her mind ( not excusing her behaviour at all )
Would she have built the whole visit up in her head causing her anxiety and then exploded because that was taken away from her and now she has no excuse to visit . This was her excuse to visit .
I could be way off the mark.

In stead of can we meet , Make it less of a commitment. Hey im around town on friday if your free for coffee around 2 , always in a public place as it keeps things less formal and we can exit easier .

If she comes with a problem dont solve it ot offer to . Just say oh right so what do you think your gonna do .
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Dnwa
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Re: Daughter relationship

#293 Post by Dnwa »

I went back to the start she seems to have outrageous outbursts around not being able to cope with Akward situations or Not being in control
Would this be a fair statement?

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DiscoGirl
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Re: Daughter relationship

#294 Post by DiscoGirl »

I’m sorry to read your update, such a pity that things are still not working out between you .
Right now you need to look after yourself, you said you’re still not right , that’s your priority . Is sounds like there’s a lot going on.
Sounds like your dd is hurting/lashing out she will navigate this herself,it’s good your sister said your dd seems fine to her , and it sounds like your dd is doing ok with collage etc , so that’s one thing less to worry about . Are you seeing anyone to help you through all this? I hope that you are , take care

GerryG2
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Re: Daughter relationship

#295 Post by GerryG2 »

As mothers I can see us all scrambling to have answers for this young woman’s behavior, but maybe she’s just being selfish, immature and down right nasty.
I know they are horrible words but sadly the world is made up of an certain amount of humans who just have a chip on their shoulder.

We also only have one side of the story, a bit like prince Harry could her view of childhood/teenage years be muddied. You don’t know what she’s said to her boyfriend about her family to be honest.

When dealing with my own DD1 wishing to move in with her boyfriend, she came up will all sorts of untrue excuses to get her own way. My girl has lived a charmed life, but if you heard her you’d think she was abused just because we wouldn’t do what she wanted. Thank god we had his parents on our side but it doesn’t always work out that way.

I know it’s no help for the hurt your going though but I would park this now for the sake of your younger daughter and your husband. Time is a great healer, once you keep an open door policy then she can never say you turned your back on her
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