Father commenting on my weight

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RDR
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#46 Post by RDR »

The responsibility we have as parents for our minor aged children is v different to adults. Talking about smoking, drinking or eating unhealthily are v different to commenting on weight (even with a minor aged child).
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#47 Post by Shining »

RDR wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 7:56 am
Apple wrote: Mon Aug 15, 2022 10:42 pm Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.
My father is overweight. He has been overweight my entire conscious life. He had a heart attack aged 52 and has had other health related issues which are related to being overweight. Believe me there is absolutely nothing a family member can say that will make a difference. It is in ways like addiction where the only person who can effect change is the person who is overweight. It isn't just the saying stuff. Family members can try to improve the meals, the kind of food in the house. It makes no difference unless the adult actually wants to do something about the weight. To an extent the same applies with doctors though I think them raising concerns has more impact as they are actually qualified to make an assessment about the health impacts of the weight.
I have the same situation with my mother. A couple of years ago she hurt her foot and despite being told the importance of exercise etc she almost took it as an opportunity to rest up and have others ferry her about (god I feel awful even saying that but that was exactly what it was like). Now she is even bigger and her mobility is poor. She cannot walk any distance at all so days out etc are pointless. She has other issues with her legs now: all of which would have been prevented by keeping her walking and exercises up and not increasing her weight. Every doctor's appointment she's told about the importance of her exercises and that she can improve but she won't.
I find it incredibly frustrating. She has made her own life so more restrictive.

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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#48 Post by Aphex »

My older dd gets comments all the time on how thin she is and it really btsoom. A dad at a match a few weeks back commented to DH on how much thinner she was than our other DD, which I thought was beyond inappropriate and frankly, creepy. MIL comments on her all the time as well, how 'poor' an eater she is, how thin she is. Latest comment was how she's so much thinner than other children her age (not true) and was I sure she's not malnourished. I told MIL she had a warped view of what is normal but really I should just have told her to stop commenting full stop.

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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#49 Post by Shining »

God that is weird and creepy.
I would never ever comment on anyone's weight.
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#50 Post by ainm2 »

There is a massive difference though, between acquaintances commenting on weight (be it loss/gain or whatever else) and a close family member trying to initiate a conversation with their parent/child to express a concern for their health.
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#51 Post by Carmella »

After all the years reading Take A Break magazine, never once have I read a weight loss story that started with ‘someone criticised my weight and that spurred me on to lose it’

It’s always the person themselves decision to do it. They have known well they were overweight but something happens, and it hits them one day. It’s never from a comment.

Then there’s the ‘me now’ photo, I love that :mrgreen:
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barneyrubble
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#52 Post by barneyrubble »

But fat does not equal unhealthy and thin does not equal healthy.
Telling your children that being overweight is unhealthy is simply not true and just keeps the stigma around fat people going

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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#53 Post by ainm2 »

barneyrubble wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 11:56 am But fat does not equal unhealthy and thin does not equal healthy.
Telling your children that being overweight is unhealthy is simply not true and just keeps the stigma around fat people going
Several people have written this now, and it doesn't match with my understanding of the science at all. If you google "obesity risks" you get links from many reliable sources with multiple different health risks associated with being overweight/obese. There are many studies that have shown these things. I am sure being a few pounds overweight does not carry the same risk as being obese, but nonetheless as I understand it we are all better off to be within a certain range of weights for our height/sex etc. Am I missing something?
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#54 Post by Apple »

I don’t understand that either. There are people who eat unhealthily and are slim/ overweight and eat healthily but in general obesity is unhealthy. It’s like saying my grandad smoked 20 a day and lived until he was 90. Obviously every case isn’t cut and dried but as a whole it is better to be within a certain weight.
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#55 Post by barneyrubble »

ainm2 wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 12:05 pm
barneyrubble wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 11:56 am But fat does not equal unhealthy and thin does not equal healthy.
Telling your children that being overweight is unhealthy is simply not true and just keeps the stigma around fat people going
Several people have written this now, and it doesn't match with my understanding of the science at all. If you google "obesity risks" you get links from many reliable sources with multiple different health risks associated with being overweight/obese. There are many studies that have shown these things. I am sure being a few pounds overweight does not carry the same risk as being obese, but nonetheless as I understand it we are all better off to be within a certain range of weights for our height/sex etc. Am I missing something?
It can. But it's not 100% fact that if someone is overweight or obese they're unfit/unhealthy/higher risk etc.
It can lead to higher risk of certain issues but it's not a given.
Just like you can have someone who is the perfect weight and they could be v unhealthy or putting themselves at higher risk of health issues.

It's that it's not a given. You can't look at someone physical appearance and deem them fit/unhealthy etc etc

ETA genetics plays a much much bigger part than weight

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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#56 Post by barneyrubble »


ainm2
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#57 Post by ainm2 »

barneyrubble wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 12:46 pm
ainm2 wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 12:05 pm
barneyrubble wrote: Tue Aug 16, 2022 11:56 am But fat does not equal unhealthy and thin does not equal healthy.
Telling your children that being overweight is unhealthy is simply not true and just keeps the stigma around fat people going
Several people have written this now, and it doesn't match with my understanding of the science at all. If you google "obesity risks" you get links from many reliable sources with multiple different health risks associated with being overweight/obese. There are many studies that have shown these things. I am sure being a few pounds overweight does not carry the same risk as being obese, but nonetheless as I understand it we are all better off to be within a certain range of weights for our height/sex etc. Am I missing something?
It can. But it's not 100% fact that if someone is overweight or obese they're unfit/unhealthy/higher risk etc.
It can lead to higher risk of certain issues but it's not a given.
Just like you can have someone who is the perfect weight and they could be v unhealthy or putting themselves at higher risk of health issues.

It's that it's not a given. You can't look at someone physical appearance and deem them fit/unhealthy etc etc

ETA genetics plays a much much bigger part than weight
As far as I understand it (and as I have said I am happy to be corrected....) current science says that it is 100% fact that you are *higher risk* of multiple different illnesses if you are obese. Higher risk does not mean you are 100% going to get that illness, it just means that you are at higher risk for it. You are not 100% going to get lung cancer if you smoke 20 a day either, but you certainly reduce your risk if you don't. I cannot tell by looking at somebody if they have diabetes or heart disease, but I can tell if they are very overweight that they are higher risk for those things. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/index.html (many other websites with similar information)
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#58 Post by janeymac »

I think we live in a society that loves thin and especially thin women . And being thin is associated with being attractive and desirable. And fatness is sometimes associated with greed or lack of control. Women are judged all the time for our weight. In magazines, praised for weight loss and called horrible names for gaining weight.
So for women particularly but not exclusively of course ,excess weight can be very tied up with self esteem.
I don't think most women are unaware when they are overweight or that they are happy like this.
You can be sure they know already.
If only obesity could be sorted by a concerned relative having a few words. Those words could really hurt someone like the op. And rather than spur them into action, further affect their self esteem and upset them.
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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#59 Post by Deeda »

I found this Maintenance Phase episode quite informative in terms of whether being fat is an actual health risk in its own right or not https://pca.st/episode/dad0528b-6089-4e ... 302031d87e

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Re: Father commenting on my weight

#60 Post by Zaleemy »

The problem with enforcing the mindset of fat-bad is that you are constantly judged when you are overweight/obese. Fat people are instantly thought of as being lazy and stupid.

If you go for a job interview and you are a smoker, it makes no difference to whether you get the job or not, even though they can be as or more unhealthy than an obese person.

I’m obese and as the daughter of a woman that hates fat people, I can tell you that 100% commenting on someone’s weight does not help them. If it did I would not be obese. My mother has constantly told me how fat I am, how unhealthy I am, how I’m destroying my life. Can you imagine that in the 40+ years of my life she has never once told me that I look nice?! Over all the occasions, weddings, communions etc she has never been able to see past me being fat. As I result I hate myself and have zero self esteem. I have not been in a photo since I was about 10 years old because I hate looking at myself and no doubt everyone else does too.

So I can confirm, telling a fat person that they have gained weight or are fat etc never helps, never. That person is already painfully aware of just how fat they are.
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