Was going to go anon

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RDR
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Re: Was going to go anon

#16 Post by RDR »

https://fightthenewdrug.org/adam-savage ... rns-harms/
If your son is a Mythbusters fan this might carry extra weight. But the dad here is dealing with the same scenario as you.

Phoebe Taylor
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Re: Was going to go anon

#17 Post by Phoebe Taylor »

Lady Madonna wrote:you have absolutely not failed as a parent. The fact that he was able to tell you proves the opposite.
This times 1000.

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Re: Was going to go anon

#18 Post by CocoRose »

That's so hard for you but as others have said, I'd be hoping if any of my boys was discussing this they'd feel able to discuss it. Having a 14 and 11 year old I can see how each child is so different, I didn't really have any discussions about this type of thing with DS1, so far because it really doesn't seem to be topic that needs discussion yet (I know, I should anyway), but I know already I need to be all over it with DS2 he is curious about everything wants to know everything, he's the only child so far who has looked in my diary/bedside drawer, looking at what I have in my handbag, he's just that way and I've already noticed his search history is veering into how to kiss, how to ask a girl out etc. Unfortunately these days it doesn't take much to find yourself on a whole different page to what you searched for,

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EmilyBronte
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Was going to go anon

#19 Post by EmilyBronte »

I love that he texted you. I can imagine how embarrassed and nervous he was deciding whether to hit send.
You know now and can deal with it.
Poor little lad. It’s such a hard age really. Growing up and encountering all sorts for the first time.
They really have so much at their fingertips don’t they.

Mrs Ems
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Re: Was going to go anon

#20 Post by Mrs Ems »

I can only imagine the feeling you must have had in the pit of your stomach when you read his text. Stuff of nightmares.
But, as everyone else is saying the huge positive out of this is that he told you and that you didn't have to find it out for yourself.
He wants your help, otherwise he wouldn't have told you.
You've got great advise here, and I'm sure you'll figure it out somehow how to support him through this.
Have you checked out the likes of David Coleman who probably has articles written on this. I'll see if I can find anything.
If possible try and stay calm, but of course that's easier said that done, and coming from someone who has not been through it.

How did things progress after you got the text?

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tea
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Re: Was going to go anon

#21 Post by tea »

So me and his dad sat with him and went through a short chat about how it was not how real relationships work, that it is violent against women etc.
He seemed to get it and all the other kids were home so we left it at that for that moment.
I'm glad his dad said it to him as opposed to just me.
I spoke more to him today and we had a good chat about it. He got very upset about it as he knew it was wring and the violence of it upset him. he said he understands me needing to lock down the phone and take measures. He said he would need to make sure not to spend so much time alone as the compulsion to watch it was there even though he knew it wasn't right- and we spoke briefly about addiction.
His dad intends to talk to his older brother who would be a much tougher nut. And I'm praying we don't uncover an iceberg.
I feel like such a moron - that somehow it wouldn't be my kids, and just had my head in the sand.
The one thing I will say about this corona stuff, I am around a lot more (obviously) and in terms of the kids it has been really great as I usually work full time and am home so little.
I can't speak for my own mental health. I admit that I am struggling- not alone with this issue, but more generally, but it's been great for the kids... I hope
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Re: Was going to go anon

#22 Post by Smoke »

Well done. He asked for help and you responded really well.

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tea
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Re: Was going to go anon

#23 Post by tea »

And I just want to say as well, thank you so much for the support on here when I needed it. I felt really cocooned, to borrow a phrase, by the good ideas, kind words and help that you all gave. Thank you.
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DiscoGirl
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Re: Was going to go anon

#24 Post by DiscoGirl »

Lady Madonna wrote:you have absolutely not failed as a parent. The fact that he was able to tell you proves the opposite.
This, mind yourself tea xx

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MonkeyBars
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Re: Was going to go anon

#25 Post by MonkeyBars »

tea wrote:So me and his dad sat with him and went through a short chat about how it was not how real relationships work, that it is violent against women etc.
He seemed to get it and all the other kids were home so we left it at that for that moment.
I'm glad his dad said it to him as opposed to just me.
I spoke more to him today and we had a good chat about it. He got very upset about it as he knew it was wring and the violence of it upset him. he said he understands me needing to lock down the phone and take measures. He said he would need to make sure not to spend so much time alone as the compulsion to watch it was there even though he knew it wasn't right- and we spoke briefly about addiction.
His dad intends to talk to his older brother who would be a much tougher nut. And I'm praying we don't uncover an iceberg.
I feel like such a moron - that somehow it wouldn't be my kids, and just had my head in the sand.
The one thing I will say about this corona stuff, I am around a lot more (obviously) and in terms of the kids it has been really great as I usually work full time and am home so little.
I can't speak for my own mental health. I admit that I am struggling- not alone with this issue, but more generally, but it's been great for the kids... I hope
Tea no matter what you will get through it and this will be in the past - I’ve been that soldier - look after yourself through this as you need to be there for him.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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Re: Was going to go anon

#26 Post by januaryblossom »

Bumping up. Relevant to my thread

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