Son watched Sex Education

[AdviceNeeded]

Hi, my almost 13 year old son watched the first episode of Sex Education I noticed last night looking at his activity on netflix. I am so angry about this as I had his account set to teen and child but realise now I should have fully pin protected mature content as he changed the settings himself through my account. I don't allow him youtube on his ipod so I thought I had it fairly locked down. I know his older sister made a joke recently when my account opened on the TV and this was the banner at the top. I hate the way netflix does this as I was just going in to watch a cookery programme and this trailer comes up. It must have sparked an interest in seeing what this was about.

I feel I haven't protected him from this, the first episode is so crude and I don't like the show at all and it is far too much for him (although I know better than porn!). When I went into the settings I see that there is a pin so I was very confused as I thought the whole account was set up properly. I am actually on top of parental controls. I regularly check what he has been watching on Netflix and it is all Brooklyn 99, friends and all that fairly ok. But the past two weeks he has watched on his ipod that and Big Mouth cartoon so he must have changed the settings recently.

DH and I had a talk about it last night and how I am shouldered with all the digital maintenance and it is very stressful.

He is a real gem of a child, very quiet but open so I know I can chat to him about this but I am interested in thoughts. I feel very at sea with this stage of life.

Thanks, Anon to protect his privacy.

[Elsie]

I haven't seen it myself so cant really comment on the content but maybe he has heard everyone at school talking about it, saying they have watched it and just wanted to see what its all about???

My opinion would be to sit him down and tell him that its 16 for a reason and not really suitable for his age group but now that he has watched it, you feel you should discuss it with him..... that if nothing else will be the mortificiation that he wont ever watch it again lol!!!
or
may be a good chance for Dad (and/or you) to have a chat with him about whats going on and let it known that he is open to chat and explain honestly any questions he may have.?

[RDR]

Talk to him about why he watched it. What did the title make him think he'd be getting? Was there info he was hoping for? Why did he choose to ignore the rating?

Talk to him about WHY there are age ratings. You can't unsee what you've seen. (This is even more relevant when it comes to internet "stuff" than rated programmes so really worth hammering home). And it is worth pointing out that many adults choose not to watch things because they find them unpleasant - it isn't that you automatically like stuff because you're a certain age. And not everything becomes "ok" just because you're a certain age. Get him thinking about personal responsibility (long road but you have to plant seeds of critical thinking every chance you get).

Then talk through the content of the programme. Or if you're feeling brave, sit down and rewatch it with him and stop and start and talk through it as you're going.

This age is a hard transition because you can make every effort as a parent but you also have to acknowledge that the extent of your control is lessening and they have to make decisions themselves. Even things fully controlled at home won't be when they're outside of home etc etc I think the reality is no child will make 100% good decisions in their teen years so to an extent you're looking at minimising how poor those poor decisions are, and how far-reaching the consequences. You have to hold a line but in the full knowledge that they won't always toe that line. So cut yourself some slack too. The internet/viewing aspect is so so hard for us as it is so difficult to control and there's little support tbh.

[ali]

Personally speaking, I think maybe you sound you overreacted a bit. He is 13yrs, I have a 12yr old son and this year there has been lots of boobs, bottoms, sex talk in the playground and among friends, dont think it can be avoided. With ds dh sat down with him and went through everything and explained about porn, how its not real, how exploited those people in videos are. But your son was not watching a porn movie, it was a programme that uses sexual phrases, talks about sex thats all, yes he is not at an appropriate age to watch it, yes you need to tighten up your screen restrictions but you sound distraught almost crying about what happened...he is 13yrs would be more worried if he didnt have an interest in sex..

[AdviceNeeded]

Thanks for the replies. I will be definitely taking the approach of talking to him about it. I won't shame him about this and his natural interest I was a teen myself saw the odd bit of late night TV and Eurotrash. We discuss this quite normally in our home and he gives me puberty updates and I am quite surprised really at how open he is on these topics.

But Ali I am not sure you have seen this episode because it is a lot more than that. I know it is normal for a kid his age to be interested in sex. The opening scene in this however is a girl asking her partner to come on her tits (words used). Checking the condom. There is a therapy session with a man asking his wife to wear a strap on. This isn't stumbling across a raunchy sex scene or watching an over 15s film it is crude stuff for a child of his age to watch and try to understand. It is rated over 18s so I am not overreacting to be very pissed off that this and that other adult cartoon which I watched a couple of episodes of (very adult) is his early experience of adult programming. This is something that could have been avoided if we are more careful and I am right to feel bad about it.

[Apple]

I’d most definitely have tried to watch something with a title like that at 13 too. I think youve done all you can now. I wouldn’t be too hard on him. It’s horrible to imagine him watching something very explicit so I do sympathize.

[mcmammy2]

I think I would have died a death at 13 if my parents sat down and watched that programme with me and went through the content. That may be a wonderful future detterent. The critical thinking aspect is a very good way to go. I hope I'm as enlightened when my kids are that age. Kids are naturally curious about these things. My 6 year old had a very basic sex talk in school. I don't think the message really got through to him though as he came home laughing about his teacher saying the words penis and vagina.

[DazedandConfused]

I've seen the episode. I wouldn't be at all happy about a child that age watching it, I found it pretty unpleasant myself. Don't beat yourself up about it though, his curiosity is only natural and no matter how many controls you out in place he is going to see inappropriate content somewhere. Important thing is that you can talk to him about it.