by Cantgetup » Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:02 pm
Looks like H will finally agree to separate.
There are several issues.
First is finances. He is in a position where he will be able to take early retirement from his current role. He will receive a lump sum (approx. 100K) and an annual pension of approx. 30K. He has retrained and is in the process of building a new career which will net him between 100k and 250K per annum depending on sales.
I want to keep the family home. It is worth approx. 700K and there is a small mortgage remaining. We still have dependent kids and they would be minded jointly. He is a good dad but he is an alcoholic and I don't want them around him when he drinks so that rules out any evening.
Would I be a fool to try and keep the house in exchange for revoking any entitlement to lump sum, cash value of pension (which must be close to €1m) and future earnings?
at the moment we both earn about the same. He pays the mortgage, which I will have to take over and I pay all other bills. Managing the mortgage will be hard for me as I don't have a lot left at the end of the month; but I am hopping he will agree to about 50 euro child maintenance which will help a bit.
Second. how realistic is it to ask him to stay away when he has been drinking. That and an appalling lack of communuication on both sides are the reason for the break up. He refuses to seek treatment for his alcoholism. Also he has been emotionally abuse over the years, buy calling me names like Cunt and Twat and saying he wishes I would die, or fuck off and leave him with the kids, that I am a useless mother., that all my hobbies are stupid/ for old people/for young people. He has smashed my property and so on so I am afraid to show him my true feelings. And then I am not able to communicate. He has ignored me for weeks on end sometimes or gaslights me telling me that I didn't tell him this or that, or I said this or that.
Sorry girls, my confidence is so low at the moment.
Two totally separate questions there.
Looks like H will finally agree to separate.
There are several issues.
First is finances. He is in a position where he will be able to take early retirement from his current role. He will receive a lump sum (approx. 100K) and an annual pension of approx. 30K. He has retrained and is in the process of building a new career which will net him between 100k and 250K per annum depending on sales.
I want to keep the family home. It is worth approx. 700K and there is a small mortgage remaining. We still have dependent kids and they would be minded jointly. He is a good dad but he is an alcoholic and I don't want them around him when he drinks so that rules out any evening.
Would I be a fool to try and keep the house in exchange for revoking any entitlement to lump sum, cash value of pension (which must be close to €1m) and future earnings?
at the moment we both earn about the same. He pays the mortgage, which I will have to take over and I pay all other bills. Managing the mortgage will be hard for me as I don't have a lot left at the end of the month; but I am hopping he will agree to about 50 euro child maintenance which will help a bit.
Second. how realistic is it to ask him to stay away when he has been drinking. That and an appalling lack of communuication on both sides are the reason for the break up. He refuses to seek treatment for his alcoholism. Also he has been emotionally abuse over the years, buy calling me names like Cunt and Twat and saying he wishes I would die, or fuck off and leave him with the kids, that I am a useless mother., that all my hobbies are stupid/ for old people/for young people. He has smashed my property and so on so I am afraid to show him my true feelings. And then I am not able to communicate. He has ignored me for weeks on end sometimes or gaslights me telling me that I didn't tell him this or that, or I said this or that.
Sorry girls, my confidence is so low at the moment.
Two totally separate questions there.