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Best of luck Whattodo.

I second Pearl.

Life is too short. You deserve the best.

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It's easy to say walk away, but i have done it.
I realised that as a person i deserved not to live a life where my partner considered me as second best to him, blamed me for everything, was insulted continually, was treated as a housemaid, nursemaid and sex giver. Where I tiptoed round the house, where my heart sank when i heard him come home.
I can tell you 100% that nothing I have encountered in fighting for myself, in ending my marriage, in establishing my new life is as hard as dealing with my life day in, day out back then. NOTHING. And I have been through some real shit.
I underestimated the effect it had on me.
I would really strongly advise you to go for counselling. Go for yourself first. Then if you want you could do couples. But right now you need to look after you.

Sorry OP, only now seeing your update. It is not all as easy as walking away - my suggestion would be to ask him to leave for a week or so and then see how he really feels about what has happened. My experience is that if you let him away with it once he will do it again but then my experience with two men could be a totally experience to another womans with the same men if you get me. My concern is his lack of remorse. He really should be begging and pleading with you to not let this fester at this stage but as he is still proclaiming innocence then that is what the real issue is. Has he stopped to ask himself why you would accuse him of this out of the blue? Or is he trying to brush it under the carpet? How are you feeling in yourself now?

[quote="Stress test"]I'm going to go against everything I would have said years ago and say I would consider a second chance ,if it was a one off out of character thing.i would like to say it would be a deal breaker and I would not consider myself a weak person but we would have an awful lot to lose.when things calm down and you want to talk to him and hear what he has to say you will probably have a gut feeling about what you want to do.[/quote]

The problem I would have over the second chance Stress Test is the fact that he has nothing to say. Says he remembers nothing and therefore absolving himself of any shame, remorse or guilt. Like the op, I'm not sure I'd give up so easily either if my marriage was normally good and he made my children and I happy but the inability to discuss what happened would be doubly upsetting and I'd be living my life walking on egg shells. I hope your husband responds to your message OP that you sent and is at the least going off and having a long think about his actions and lack of them subsequently.

I don't think I could ever look at him the same way again and live in fear of it happening again. Does he deserve a second chance? Do you deserve his lack of respect in not even admitting what he has done, what kind of a man behaves like this??
You wouldn't be giving up on your marraige by leaving him, he has done that as soon as he raised his hand to you!
You deserve better!

I'm going to go against everything I would have said years ago and say I would consider a second chance ,if it was a one off out of character thing.i would like to say it would be a deal breaker and I would not consider myself a weak person but we would have an awful lot to lose.when things calm down and you want to talk to him and hear what he has to say you will probably have a gut feeling about what you want to do.

Definitely call women's aid, they can give advice and support. It would be a deal breaker for me too. Having 'been there, done that' I don't believe it would be a once off, for want of a better way to explain, the mould is broken. I went out with a guy, lived together, was besotted with him. In my case it started with emotional abuse and then one day he slapped me across the face and it escalated from there. I know from the outside looking in I would have said, once and it was over, but you do want to believe he can change, things will be great again, love is blind etc ... but ... they don't change. Please think of yourself. I cannot believe he is saying he does not remember and has not even apologized, that is disgusting.

Mind yourself, ask for help, advice etc. x

I wrote a reply yesterday but it did not appear on here.
Thank you all for the time you took to reply.

Thank you all for you advice.
It is very easy to say to walk away. To do it is another thing.
Trust has been broken, badly.
Respect is gone.
I do not feel like talking or looking at him.
True, a hit is a hit. There is no denying that.
Will I give up on my marriage and the happiness of my family so fast? I am not so sure.
It is easy, in theory, to walk away, but I do think that I would be willing soon to talk with him and make my decision from there. I do not yet want to engage in a conversation because I do not want to give in easy, to make out life is wonderful again when the emotional scar runs far deeper than the physical touch.

There is such a thing as a second chance and remorse.
Would I be a fool to give a second chance?

I did send a message reflecting what a poster here wrote, if it was our daughter who came to us with this story about her husband what would he feel, or do or advise.

Thank you all again who replied.

No experience of this, so not wanting to try to advise, but to echo CLBG, please continue to post and tap into the support network here - even if what you ultimately decide to do differs from the advice you are getting. This is probably not something you will feel comfortable telling family or friends who know you/him, at least initially, until you digest it yourself so do offload to us here. Hope you are OK. I can't imagine the shock you must be feeling.

So sorry to read this. Thinking of you. The hit is worrying - but so also is blaming you for everything.

Keep talking on here OP, even if what you decide to do goes against the advice given here. We will still want to be there for you, no matter what you decide. Some of us have been in this type of situation, but the vast majority have not and I can only imagine the confusion, upset, and shock you are experiencing.

Hope you are ok this morning OP, no advice as I haven't been in this exact situation but ime not taking responsibility for actions that hurt others is worrying. Wishing you well whatever you decide x

Hope you are ok OP, it would be a deal breaker for me also. Especially as he is not admitting to it.