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Hi worriedmum. My dd started to develop very similar issues to yours at around the same age. I was at a loss. My first point of call was Jigsaw as there is a centre in our home town. They were excellent and counsellor told me to bring DD to GP immediately. My DD then got a CAMHs referral and that was a lifesaver. She is now 20 and has another slip but she has been doing brilliantly. Your DD will get better too. GP is your first point. We were lucky, our GP is excellent. Do you have that support? Her friends sound awful and will be absolutely not help to your DD but she will move away from them in time x

Sorry if you've addressed this already but would you consider a school move? TY can be a good year to move.

Another option would be to talk to somewhere like ZestForLife (or similar). I'm pretty they often work with parents rather than directly with the teens. It might be another route to consider (as well as talking to your GP).

They don't sound like nice friends at all, but it is hard to break into new groups - TY could help alright. You mentioned she does activities -is there any social side to any of those that she might be able to get friend groups separate to school?

Thanks for all the replies and advice. I'll chat to my dh later today and decide what to do going forward. I do agree though that she needs to talk to someone.

This nighttime thing is relatively new though so I definitely think it's stemming from the friendship situation. She was always sociable and it's really just since the summer it's changed. Her group of friends don't always ask her out and some have made other friend groups. A few years ago dd made friends with a girl in her estate, one of her original friends made them fall out. I heard some of what was going on. She wanted dd for herself, even though dd included everyone in everything. Now that girl has made friends with a girl in her estate and doesn't include dd.
Dd was always the one to glue everyone together. If any of them were being bitchy and trying to leave another girl out, dd wouldn't stand for it. Now it's her being abandoned and not one of them fights for her. It's heartbreaking to see her face fall when she knows some of them have plans that don't include her.

I also remember last year they were trying to organise a party, for no reason really. They asked dd to host it here. Only it was June and one of my kids was in middle of LC so I said no. One said well my mam said No as they're going out, X can't host as her Dad won't allow it, Y can't host as her Mam is unwell, Z can't host as her Dad is having a party himself and W can't host as her sis doing LC. DD said but I've a sibling doing LC too. The friend said but yes, your sibling isn't as clever so who cares if they pass or not and if you don't host you can't come if we have it elsewhere.

I just wish she'd strike up other friendships in school. Maybe that'll happen in TY.

I agree with Darva's suggestion of asking GP to refer her without seeing her ( I assume to CAHMS because of her age). Without wanting to sound like a broken record the change in my daughter in less than a year has been unbelievable, she's a happy person again. If the GP needs to see her you might tell your DD that she doesn't have to talk much in the doc appointments she just has to turn up and you can talk for her. They are used to that. Write loads of notes about her problems and give them a copy.

Loads of teens see psychiatrists now. There's less stigma.

I agree also that many of her social problems could stem from overall anxiety. Getting professional help could give her her life back. But you need the referral started because it will takes ages to be seen.

Try the finger acupressure. Hold each finger snugly wrapping other hand fingers around it. Think of the emotions concerned and wait for pulse to be felt in the finger.
Move to the next finger.

Just wrote a long message and it disappeared

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/hand-acu ... =share_via

Having a child with mental health issues is very difficult for a parent.
It is especially hard when the child isn’t willing:able to help themselves.

I think your DD really does need professional help.

If she won’t see the GP I think you should. Maybe the GP could do a referral without seeing her.
Also if the GP could give you a better understanding of what could be going on and what support might be available to your DD.
IF your DD knows what tools are available she might be willing to try some things herself or if she knows what might happen next she might be willing to see a GP or a counsellor.


The social issues might be a symptom of other issues at this stage. If she has anxiety/ ED/ other mental health issues she might struggle in social situations and with friendship.

I have the name of a really good, experienced Dublin based consellor. She really helped my DD.

I had terrible panic attacks nightly at that age. What cured me was an amazing chat with a family friend (along with a packet of Maltesers). It was hell though. I hope your DD feels better soonX

Yes they sound like intrusive thoughts if they are interfering with her daily life. The sooner she gets some tools to manage it the better, maybe just tell her lots of people can get caught up in anxious thought loops and there's people who can give tips on it. Keep it casual.

I would definitely talk to the GP, go yourself first and tell them what’s going on and then go with your daughter. Just tell her it’s a check up and you want her to talk to the GP about the anxiety.

If you are lucky enough to have a good Gp then they will be able to talk to her as they have seen all this before. All the very best x

I would call jigsaw - they have a waiting list of a few months so by the time they reach her she may be ready for it. They also have an online chat thing that she can do in the meantime, where she chats with a counsellor online. It might help her get some of her thoughts out and get a friendly ear to listen, without actually having to meet someone in person.

It sounds like her anxiety has really ramped up. It is a pity she doesn't want to go to the GP. Would she be more open to chatting to a counsellor, maybe someone from Jigsaw or a similar organisation?

She really does need to get professional help. My DD has benefitted hugely from sessions with a psychologist that helped her build strategies to cope, and an anti-anxiety medication.

I'm hoping this gets approved to post as I tried before but my post didn't show up.

Anyway, it turns out the episodes of vomiting were due to anxiety and not an ED. I don't know whether to be thankful for that or not. I don't know if its completely stopped or if she has gotten better at hiding it and cleaning up after herself.

I'm still extremely worried about her as her social life hasn't been any better. She'd only see friends at school or at after school activities or rarely when there is a birthday party on. So last night she told us she has been scared at night. Thinks someone is in her wardrobe or hiding under her bed. She knows this is a ridiculous idea but when it's the dead of night, when it's pitch dark and the house is silent she can't help the thoughts. Is it not unusual for a 14 year old to start having symptoms like this? Like shes terrified and its affecting her sleep and in turn her school work. I'm at a loss of what to do. She's refusing to go to the GP to speak to someone.