heymammy.com

Cant thank you burner for replying as you are anon but thanks ! and actually good that you brought something like this up and got many perspectives on the situation. We've probably all seen the ads that are starting to appear on the tv which hopefully the younger ones will see.
And i know im from the dark ages but really dont get why anyone would want to share images of themselves to anyone?!!! i had my profile picture (a head and shoulders pic) from facebook used on a dating site once and i felt so violated by that - helped by all the messages i got from people wanting to date me...(who knew lol) so i cant begin to imagine any other type of pic! And as for d*ck pics.... urgh ugliest things ever!!!!!!!!
i do think that years ago it was top shelf mags lads had but that was because there wasnt a way before with no phones and people would hardly take pics and send them to the local pharmacy to be developed hahaha.

op keep the lines of communcation open with him and maybe discuss other situations to see if any more guidance can be given.

The nature of the pictures aside I’m glad you could talk to him. And having a teen boy here too I do know they sometimes can do ‘silly’ things without thinking.

Thanks to everyone for the replies - I really couldn't think straight yesterday.

[quote=Happymammy post_id=1667249 time=1695753478 user_id=1878]
I'm guessing your son used the second phone to take a picture of the pictures on his main phone, before deleting them from that one. I wouldn't be contacting the community guard at this stage, there is no reason to until you talk to your son. Novbaby and janeymacs advice was good, chat to him and take it from there. Making him aware of the issues that could arise from sharing intimate pics of himself or resharing this girls pics without her consent would be my priority.
[/quote]

Happymammy post is probably most accurate reflection of how the conversation went last night.
Phone is an old one from within the house.
More chatting to be done in coming days as I really want to be sure I have fully got to the bottom of it and he understands the implications.

Re Garda- it had crossed my mind even before I posted. Having spoken to him I don't think it is necessary in this instance but I do fully realise the seriousness of storing/sharing images ( and hopefully he will now too.)

Really do appreciate the advice.

You need to have a chat with him. If these photos were sent him by the girl involved then he needs to realise and understand all the ramifications of that - from relationships, intimacy, respect etc. If he received them from another party that's different.

I'd be asking why a second phone?

(However distributing intimate images without consent is a serious offence and is taken seriously by gardai...even threatening to do so is an offence).

My concerns would be were the pictures sent directly to your son or are they being passed around by his friends.

A serious chat is needed to figure out what's going on.

I'm surprised at some of the nonchalant replies there's a chance these pictures are being passes around without the girl's "consent".

But I would approach the conversation without shaming him and trying to get to the bottom of it.

The 2nd phone is so strange - did you ask him where he got it or why he needed it.

Your DH needs a bloody wake up call about checking his child's phone.


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I’d want to know where he got the phone, why he felt the need to have a second phone, what it was being used for, who the girl is, how old she is and does she know that he has these photos of her. You can’t really draw any conclusions and propose how to deal with the issue without knowing the answers to these questions.

I'm guessing your son used the second phone to take a picture of the pictures on his main phone, before deleting them from that one. I wouldn't be contacting the community guard at this stage, there is no reason to until you talk to your son. Novbaby and janeymacs advice was good, chat to him and take it from there. Making him aware of the issues that could arise from sharing intimate pics of himself or resharing this girls pics without her consent would be my priority.

Oh I know that too. But teens prob aren’t aware of cocos law etc

If the guards were involved in every case of this the country would come to a standstill.

[quote="Jumping Bean" post_id=1667232 time=1695749895 user_id=787]
My concern would be that your ds doesn’t know this girl and the pics are doing the rounds amongst his peer group without the girl knowing. Maybe that’s where the community guard needs to be involved.

If it’s your ds’s girlfriend and they are sharing pics it still needs a conversation like suggested above.
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Or that the phone is doing the rounds either.

Under coco’s law that would be a major issue. No harm to give a Garda a call.

I know the community guard is coming to the secondary school to discuss it with all years

ETA: when I say no harm, I mean as in ring or not , they’re there to help so up to parent to make the call. Sometimes advice is needed from a professional . Depending on the sons reply with be a guide

I would find out if he knows her first and how he got the photos, and what age she is.

Depending on the answers to those questions, then it may be necessary to contact the Garda on the girls behalf.

I'd also have a chat with him about respect (not the correct word but hopefully you know what I mean) for girls etc.

My concern would be that your ds doesn’t know this girl and the pics are doing the rounds amongst his peer group without the girl knowing. Maybe that’s where the community guard needs to be involved.

If it’s your ds’s girlfriend and they are sharing pics it still needs a conversation like suggested above.

I didn't mean for that to sound smart, which it might. I just thinking out loud about at 16 a sexy photo isn't that big a deal but yes the potential issues are important to chat through, altho I do think it's likely he knows that. I think it's unlikely to be an issue and just no harm him having a policy of not storing this type of thing sent to him, defo never forward it on etc.

Maybe so , but as I already mentioned , just a suggestion

I honestly think a community guard has more to be doing than chatting to a mother about something as basic as this.