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Hi OP. Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Iv been thinking of you and I hope you both managed to have a chat and sort things out .

Hi OP. Hope you are ok and that your husband did the planned activity with your son.

[quote=Stripy post_id=1565064 time=1666965935 user_id=62360]
Hi OP, when I read your post, I did think it was a bit excessive going to the Gardai. It seems like his explosion was a [b]one off[/b] and could have been sorted out between you when things were calmer. My DH can fly off the handle but I'd never dream of contacting the guards and I can understand your husband's annoyance.
[/quote]

I didn't read it as a one off - the OP described anger issues/mood swings that have been going on a while although they were "getting on better the last few months" but the the mood swings this week she described as "horrendous". Last nights incident left her scared for her safety and independence and was a culmination of a week's events and past behaviour. When do we draw the line of which incident is the time to seek help?

[quote=Vino post_id=1565090 time=1666973479 user_id=2502]
I think if in doubt we'd all advise any one feeling vulnerable to reach out, overreactions can always be dealt with much easier than volatile situations.
[/quote]

Very true. And there are plenty of examples of irreversible tragedies that people wish they had known about and could have prevented.

OP, I hope you are safe and know you did what you felt you had to do, the repercussions were brought about by his own actions. If he wants help, I hope he gets it. I hope you get support and it all works out for the best for you and your family.

I wondered similar at first stripy but the op updated from her regular account and it made sense. The post was removed but it was clear she needed advice from somewhere and at the time she felt that was the right course of action.
She wasn't expecting a house call.

I think if in doubt we'd all advise any one feeling vulnerable to reach out, overreactions can always be dealt with much easier than volatile situations.

Thanks Stripy. Was very reluctant to do so but I knew by his behaviour, it was going to continue all evening and most likely all weekend. His threat to take my car key really troubled me as I need my car. I was/am at the end of my tether :/

Stripy I initially thought similar but then figured that the op may be at the end of her tether, this may be a regular occurrence and she just can’t take it any more? Maybe he’s getting worse and she’s scared of the next time …

Hi OP, when I read your post, I did think it was a bit excessive going to the Gardai. It seems like his explosion was a one off and could have been sorted out between you when things were calmer. My DH can fly off the handle but I'd never dream of contacting the guards and I can understand your husband's annoyance. Could your DH go to a counsellor if he is very moody, perhaps he is depressed? Or try as a couple? It sounds like you are both going through a lot of stress and it would be a shame to end a marriage over this. I'm not saying he is right but i can understand his annoyance. I know my opinion is different to others...

Thank you all. Ye are such a wonderful bunch. Last night was hellish. Didn't sleep a wink but up to my eyes with work so I had something to focus on. Even though I was completely zombiefied. Husband has taken 15 year old for the day as planned. He is still not taking any responsibility and is angry with me for contacting Gardai but he is not aggressive. He has tried to play down what happened yesterday evening but he really can't as my adult son and his partner were here. Don't really know how this will pan out but I need sleep and intend on just going to bed when day is over :crazy1:

I hope you're OK OP. There's some good advice on this thread. Your DH can save the marriage now if he chooses to sort out his anger and moods and look to repair the damage. The ball is in his court.

How are you doing today op?

i was going to say that you or your older son? should suggest he seeks help at work. family member is also PO and i know they can access help if required.

i hope youve had time to think rationally this morning and have decided what you want to do about this marriage and how to deal with what happened last night in the cold light of day. Its not gonna be easy but keep strong and dont let him put any blame on you.

Surely he will still bring your son to whatever it is they have planned.... i think this is very important.

If you want to pm me please do. I am married to a P.O and have also been down this road. It took us years but coming out the other end people will remember me here absolutely devastated but the fact was my husband was suffering terrible with mental health issues .
The service has amazing help if he is willing to reach out they can gently push him to seek help .

It may have been a silly argument but his behaviour was unacceptable and intimidating.
He won't loose his job and charges where not pressed it was a welfare check . If this was assault he can actually go into his job explain to his chief whats happening they will pull out all the stops to help him and if they feel they need to give him time off with supports they will.

I’ve no advice OP but o hope you’re ok.


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You're probably as shocked by his reaction as you are by the shouting and raging. I fully expected that my husband would be very remorseful after he lost it with me. But he wasn't. 5 months later he still isn't. Instead he is annoyed that I "used the law against" by getting a protection order.

So my advice is to prepare yourself for the possibility that he will continue to blame you.