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Thanks for the replies - I am not talking about sexual assault. And of course I want to make sure this is dealt with fairly. Maybe he's just an immature jerk who doesn't realise he makes others uncomfortable and sees all this as a joke. This lad has no issues coping in social settings. But he needs to understand if someone tells you to stop touching them you listen.

To clarify it's not a touch on the back or light touch on an arm in a 'how are you, do you want a cuppa way'. So it's definitely not him being just a touchy feely guy. My sons personal space was being completely invaded and he told this guy to stop. At 16 the kids know the difference between a friendly touch and a wrong touch. My son doesn't hang round with him anymore so nothing has happened in 6 months or more.

As Novbaby said if someone at work touched me that way I wouldn't stand for it.

Or if a girl was touched that way a parent wouldn't stand for it. Because it was a boy touching a boy doesn't lessen it. My son was deeply uncomfortable and realises now why.

3dollys, they are doing consent stuff at the moment and it only dawned on my son what had happened. As my son doesn't go near him anymore it still isn't happening.

My son said he feels comfortable enough talking to the year head about it. He doesn't know what he wants the outcome to be but he feels he just needs to say it. I have said I'll go with him but he said he's ok speaking to the year head. The year head is excellent and I know she'll ring me. We'll take it from there.

I don't know why anyone has moved to talking about sexual assualt with this.

It is really simple - personal space is being invaded in a way that the OPs son is unhappy with. he is allowed be unhappy with how another person is touching him -and to ask for it to stop. My first thoughts were the other pupil is socially clueless not sexual assualt.

it is enough that he doesn't like it and wants help in ensuring it doesn't happen again. Understanding the why is not the OP's sons problem to solve. the school can deal with that. and really importantly it doesn't matter one bit why he is uncomfortable and doesn't like it - and I would not entertain any discussion from the school on this - it is enough that he is saying no to it. The school have to address it.

If someone at work were to touch me in an inappropriate way I would be incandescent if HR were asking me to justify why I felt uncomfortable and what about it make me uncomfortable - it is enough that i don't want it.

Schools will know their students so will know the context behind it. Maybe no one has directly said to him that is not appropriate and he thinks he is getting attention from the others..like a bit of a laugh. Or he could he getting a thrill from it.
But if he continues it he could get in big trouble.

And the OPs son deserves to be listened too. His feelings are valid too whatever the guys reasons.

A bit different but I know a kid who was making racist jokes as people laughed and it was brought to his attention it wasn’t appropriate and he stopped..he hadn’t realised that socially it was wrong and his family hadn’t told him. He just wanted to be liked and liked others laughing.

I understand harmful touch, unwanted touch etc. I'll stop trying to get any other angle or details on it and bow out! I was just bringing some thoughts to the table to make sure the kid has fairly earned the nickname! There's a reason consent has been added to teaching, because they are at the learning social skills stage...
It does sound like he needs dealt with but hopefully in a way that's sensitive.

I don't care if someone is "touchy" or it's cultural or any other excuse. Everyone has to respect other people. Including not touching them when they haven't said its OK.

Regardless of the boys reasons for touching people like this, cultural, clueless whatever he needs to stop. Apart from upsetting others he could find himself in a world of trouble if he continues.
If it is still ongoing then I would ask to speak to the year head and bring it to their attention.

Some people are a bit touchy. Maybe this kid's family is touchy. Maybe it's cultural. Maybe the kid is not brilliant socially and doesn't understand the boundaries and needs it pointed out. It could be for any reason really and it could be completely innocent or not. Too little info.
If the OP's child isn't comfortable I think it's no harm to mention it to the year head because maybe there are other kids who are uncomfortable but are not confident enough to say something, it might be helpful to them.
I'd hope the school would be sensitive enough with the issue and the child. If it's no longer happening then there's little to be done anyway but possibly worth knowing about in case it does happen again with someone else.

It could be that he's just a bit of a fool, clueless, no sense that it bothered people. I'm not saying it's OK either. I went to school with a girl who used to pinch people on the ass, also slap people on the backside etc.... She drove us mad but she was just a kind of stupid ejit....
Of it hadn't happerned my kid this year honestly I wouldn't go to the school about it.... I would feel daft, if he is still doing it to some, I would let them bring it if they want. Maybe that guy has now gotten the consent training and he will realise that it's wrong what he had been doing.
I know in my sons school someone would probably tell him he was fucking weird and they would just not be near him...

If a friend in work tapped me and made a "cuppa?" gesture that's a normal work interaction.
If a colleague squeezed my leg or hip during a meeting that's a totally different matter.
We all know the difference.

StarryNight wrote: ↑Mon Mar 21, 2022 7:02 pm Yes of course it is. You can't just go around assuming people are fine with being touched just because you might know them. No one in work goes around touching me, nor do my friends in a social setting.
And we can all tell when someone is a sleaze. Which is the word op has said her son used. Who wants a sleaze touching you in what's supposed to be a safe environment. Sleazes rely on people being too uncomfortable to call them out on their shit.

I was just thinking about this,I think if another adult touched my thigh I’d probably deck them , my back now that could be seen a bit differently once I was ok with it and the circumstances, but there’s no circumstances where it would be ok to touch my thigh
Unless it’s a doctor, physio etc

CocoRose wrote: ↑Mon Mar 21, 2022 6:58 pm Is being touched assault?

If my dh's aunt clutches my arm then it is not assault though I find it really unpleasant and unsettling. I don't like people touching my arm when talking to me never mind the clutching. If someone fondles my crotch on a crowded train (or wherever), then yes. In this post/thread it is not at all clear (to me) what is meant by the "touching" that took place. It is hugely relevant to what happens when it is raised with the school. Not everything we dislike or find unsettling is either criminal or sanctionable. I'd imagine that the mum in talking to her son knows exactly what kind of touching it was. We don't. But to answer your question, no, not all touch is assault.

People with usual social skills are able to tell the difference between a tap on the shoulder or a squeeze of the thigh. And if you're worried about being accused of something, just don't touch anyone. Problem solved.
There's no indication this boy has any issues with coping with social settings. If he's been spoken to be fellow pupils and that hasn't stopped him he needs dealing with by someone in authority.

I get that unwanted touch is wrong, I am just thinking though could you actually accuse someone of 'assault' for tapping you on the back when you told them on Tuesday to not do that. I just see assault as harmful touch.

And looking at the in the context of them still being studentz, not adults.

Not questioning sleazy people. Just trying to be devil's advocate here to ensure fairness to a possibly immature idiot of a kid that might need a firmer chat had about boundaries.

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Yes of course it is. You can't just go around assuming people are fine with being touched just because you might know them. No one in work goes around touching me, nor do my friends in a social setting.
And we can all tell when someone is a sleaze. Which is the word op has said her son used. Who wants a sleaze touching you in what's supposed to be a safe environment. Sleazes rely on people being too uncomfortable to call them out on their shit.