by Aster » Thu Mar 24, 2022 6:24 pm
In denial wrote: ↑Thu Mar 24, 2022 8:25 am
OP here.
We're nearly a week on from finding out about the affair. He left the house at the weekend after we told the kids that we had decided to go our separate ways. It's not sitting right with me that I essentially took half the responsibility for ending it when in reality it was all him. But I had to think of the DC and what was best for them.
The relationship with the OW is continuing which obviously I'm powerless to do anything about. But if it becomes long term I don't know how I'll cope or deal with her having contact with the DC. But I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
We're meeting this evening in a neutral location to start discussing access, maintenance etc. I'd really like to get an idea of where his head is at about those things. I've made initial contact with a solicitor who said if we can put together terms ourselves we should but not to agree to anything without having it reviewed by him. It sounds like a sensible approach to me, don't know what ex will be thinking.
How do we agree/calculate ongoing maintenance? And would really appreciate if anyone would be willing to share how they worked out the family home. Obviously I'll need proper legal advice on it but real life stories would be helpful. I don't know if I could ever afford to buy him out and I hate to think it may have to be sold.
It's been a long week, my friends have been super but I feel very lonely at the moment and am jealous of the companionship he will get from the OW while I navigate life alone.
its is hugely lonely..but as many others have said you need to move as quick as you can, with my ExH we had things sorted before he moved out when he was feeling hugely guilty , as time has gone on I realise that things changed very rapidly once they are out of the house and I am quite sure that the mediated agreement would have been very different if it had been agreed after he moved out,
I worked out half of what the costs of running the house were (bills, food, school stuff, mortgage) and he pays half of that direct debit into my account weekly, the house was put into my name only so the kids would always have a home, i did think initially that i would have to buy him out which would have been impossible) but he did and still does feel hugely guilty so i was lucky that he suggested that at the start and I ran with it and got it sorted legally as soon as possible,
we went to mediation where this was all sorted and then made the mediated agreement a legal document so went to court for that, lots of different experiences on board here but thats mine, its so so tough please talk to your friends in real life if you can xx
[quote="In denial" post_id=1493523 time=1648106701]
OP here.
We're nearly a week on from finding out about the affair. He left the house at the weekend after we told the kids that we had decided to go our separate ways. It's not sitting right with me that I essentially took half the responsibility for ending it when in reality it was all him. But I had to think of the DC and what was best for them.
The relationship with the OW is continuing which obviously I'm powerless to do anything about. But if it becomes long term I don't know how I'll cope or deal with her having contact with the DC. But I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
We're meeting this evening in a neutral location to start discussing access, maintenance etc. I'd really like to get an idea of where his head is at about those things. I've made initial contact with a solicitor who said if we can put together terms ourselves we should but not to agree to anything without having it reviewed by him. It sounds like a sensible approach to me, don't know what ex will be thinking.
How do we agree/calculate ongoing maintenance? And would really appreciate if anyone would be willing to share how they worked out the family home. Obviously I'll need proper legal advice on it but real life stories would be helpful. I don't know if I could ever afford to buy him out and I hate to think it may have to be sold.
It's been a long week, my friends have been super but I feel very lonely at the moment and am jealous of the companionship he will get from the OW while I navigate life alone.
[/quote]
its is hugely lonely..but as many others have said you need to move as quick as you can, with my ExH we had things sorted before he moved out when he was feeling hugely guilty , as time has gone on I realise that things changed very rapidly once they are out of the house and I am quite sure that the mediated agreement would have been very different if it had been agreed after he moved out,
I worked out half of what the costs of running the house were (bills, food, school stuff, mortgage) and he pays half of that direct debit into my account weekly, the house was put into my name only so the kids would always have a home, i did think initially that i would have to buy him out which would have been impossible) but he did and still does feel hugely guilty so i was lucky that he suggested that at the start and I ran with it and got it sorted legally as soon as possible,
we went to mediation where this was all sorted and then made the mediated agreement a legal document so went to court for that, lots of different experiences on board here but thats mine, its so so tough please talk to your friends in real life if you can xx