by Strong » Tue Oct 26, 2021 3:55 pm
I'm no further along. I've been going to counselling and the person is very good.
However, I feel really stuck, and I feel like I have been stuck many times over the years when I have wanted to end things due to his drinking, abuse and now cheating.
I jist can't seem to get it together, and I can't describe it to anyone.
I say I'm afraid. Oh does he hit you, is he violent? No, he isn't. But I'm still afraid of him. I spend each day minding my Ps and Qs and I'm sick of it.
I plucked up big courage to say that his emotional affair ,that he was dismissing as nothing ,was a deal breaker for me. As usual, he convinced me to keep going. Let's give it 6 months ... to see if we have got anything.
Got what? It's been over 20 years. If he doesn't know how he feels at this stage, what the eff is he doing?
If I say no or "cross" him, I'll be the worst in the world as he thinks he has it all solved now. I'm afraid again, afraid to rock the boat.
But I am miserable here because this is all a lie. He still thinks about the other woman, he still gets digs in to me, all our issues are still there.
I don't trust him and I never will again.
Other stuff has happened in our family. Big stuff with the kids, really proving the damage we have inflicted on them is coming out.
I am at the end of my tether. Smiling madly as if everything is OK, and bursting spontaneously into tears at my desk or in the car.
I can't cope any more. I can't go on feeling like this.
My kids, my work, my life is suffering.
My boss and colleagues are seriously pissed off with me because between all the family issues at the moment, I'm basically useless at work.
I'm failing the kids.
When I first posted way back about needing to have the strength to leave him, this is what I meant. He has me by the short and curlys.
He knows I never left him when he drank or ranted or whatever, so he reckons that I'll get over my little "drama " of him declaring his undying love to another woman and describing how he wanted to "have " her, and just keep on.
I don't want to. I want him to go, but he won't go.
When he is angry with me, he says he wants to be alone. Be alone then, I say, please go. Then it is that we have something, let's try. If I say no, then the mental cruelty starts coz he is the victim of a cruel wife who won't give him a chance.
I'm just not strong enough any more to take it. I can't live like this though. No show of strength by me seems to yield anything.
I am scared of calling my solicitor because I am the one who will have to live with him once he gets her letter.
How does anyone build up the resilience to just end things? To say, enough. The pain and hurt is too much. The damage is too deep and it stops now.
He just laughs at me when I say that. Says I can leave here if I want out. I know everyone here said not to do that, but I don't see any other way.
He's like Japanese knotweed.
I feel so pathetic. I have been writing the same narrative for months, probably years, and still sit here as his wife.
I'm no further along. I've been going to counselling and the person is very good.
However, I feel really stuck, and I feel like I have been stuck many times over the years when I have wanted to end things due to his drinking, abuse and now cheating.
I jist can't seem to get it together, and I can't describe it to anyone.
I say I'm afraid. Oh does he hit you, is he violent? No, he isn't. But I'm still afraid of him. I spend each day minding my Ps and Qs and I'm sick of it.
I plucked up big courage to say that his emotional affair ,that he was dismissing as nothing ,was a deal breaker for me. As usual, he convinced me to keep going. Let's give it 6 months ... to see if we have got anything.
Got what? It's been over 20 years. If he doesn't know how he feels at this stage, what the eff is he doing?
If I say no or "cross" him, I'll be the worst in the world as he thinks he has it all solved now. I'm afraid again, afraid to rock the boat.
But I am miserable here because this is all a lie. He still thinks about the other woman, he still gets digs in to me, all our issues are still there.
I don't trust him and I never will again.
Other stuff has happened in our family. Big stuff with the kids, really proving the damage we have inflicted on them is coming out.
I am at the end of my tether. Smiling madly as if everything is OK, and bursting spontaneously into tears at my desk or in the car.
I can't cope any more. I can't go on feeling like this.
My kids, my work, my life is suffering.
My boss and colleagues are seriously pissed off with me because between all the family issues at the moment, I'm basically useless at work.
I'm failing the kids.
When I first posted way back about needing to have the strength to leave him, this is what I meant. He has me by the short and curlys.
He knows I never left him when he drank or ranted or whatever, so he reckons that I'll get over my little "drama " of him declaring his undying love to another woman and describing how he wanted to "have " her, and just keep on.
I don't want to. I want him to go, but he won't go.
When he is angry with me, he says he wants to be alone. Be alone then, I say, please go. Then it is that we have something, let's try. If I say no, then the mental cruelty starts coz he is the victim of a cruel wife who won't give him a chance.
I'm just not strong enough any more to take it. I can't live like this though. No show of strength by me seems to yield anything.
I am scared of calling my solicitor because I am the one who will have to live with him once he gets her letter.
How does anyone build up the resilience to just end things? To say, enough. The pain and hurt is too much. The damage is too deep and it stops now.
He just laughs at me when I say that. Says I can leave here if I want out. I know everyone here said not to do that, but I don't see any other way.
He's like Japanese knotweed.
I feel so pathetic. I have been writing the same narrative for months, probably years, and still sit here as his wife.