heymammy.com

Bumping this old thread.

We are struggling with DS14 at the moment, school refusal, verbally aggressive, on a waiting list for CAMHS and have to apply for an assessment of need from HSE. The poor behaviour is sporadic but biggest issue is emotional regulation and struggling social skills.

Things have calmed a little but we have enrolled to do the NVR course (phone) suggested on this thread to help us get things back on track..

Just wondering how the teens on this thread are doing…such heartbreaking stories for the mammys.

Have survived trauma and using here as my offload during the time I don’t think anyone expects you to be replying. Your mental space is just taken over by this and you are in fight or flight mode Ive no doubt.

We are here when you need us so dig in and out as you can. Vent away as a space with no judgement and look there could be another poster reading that takes the advice given by so many snd it will help them.

Best of luck with all the plans. Keep safe and well and just survive really for the moment.


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I totally understand. I'm sick of talking about dd. She has taken to screaming at me at the top of her voice if I question her about anything. I've never heard a screech like it. The bedroom windows are always open and I know the neighbours can hear. Im mortified.

I really need to try keep my cool when she does it. I hate people shouting and screaming

If I could reach into the screen and give you a hug I would hold you tight.

Thinking of you.

100% we can all understand that the energy involved in updates/replies is a lot when you are already overwhelmed. don't let HM be more pressure, just know that we are all thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome soon x

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No it doesn't sound silly at all. The stress and anxiety caused by something like this can make even basic tasks tough. Mind yourself take breaks where you can and remember there are so many people out there who do care and others who will help.

Hope you are doing ok Applejam. It's horrible, isn't it? There is lots of great advice here. I wish I could advise but as you can clearly see I need help myself.
I'm dipping in and out of Heymammy as a distraction, a bit of light relief so I'm sorry I haven't been updating. I'm just not up to it. I'm really just going through the motions here, trying to keep things on an even keel.
I'm aware and have read PMs and I'm sorry, I'm just not in a space to respond properly. I'm just so numb...I can't explain it. Thank you everyone; it truly means so much to me ❤. I'm sorry I'm just not able really think.
I had a phone chat with a friend earlier which is the first person I confided in.
My daughter is here; it was suggested if I could send her to a family member but my family is very small so I don't. The meeting for a plan of action is Monday and I'm lucky in one sense that we're not unknown to agencies so it has made things quicker. O have an emergency plan too if it escalates.
I feel horrible for thinking the way I have. Thank you to posters who pointed out to keep the child separate from the abuse. I struggle with this. But I can see she is hurting and needs help. She needs help is the bottom line I'm trying to drill into me.
Please bear with me. I don't want any poster to think I'm ignoring them (even though it looks like it)...I'm just at my limit for dealing with it in my head...I can't explain it.
I so so so very much appreciate all your support; its a real lifeline. Advice, tips, sharing your experience, it means so much. It also helps me break the shame: sounds silly I know.
Thank you all.

I think it sounds like she might also have a major impulse control issue, I second the above and wonder could you get a conversation with a psychiatrist? It is possible what you are dealing with is genetic if it was something your ex had an issue with.

Hope youre OK applejam, its a crap month x

So Sorry you are all going through such a hard time
Shining. This is domestic abuse and a child protection issue.

1. You need to talk to both schools and be very honest about the situation. They can put in a report to Tulsa outlining their concerns for both girls and you. This will have to be investigated.

2. Speak to your GP about the situation. They will also be mandated to report to Tulsa.

3. Speak to the guards outlining the situation. They too - are mandated to report.

It’s amazing how 3rd party reports/involvement get agencies moving. Then the appropriate supports can be put in place to help you all. Hope you an your younger dd can get a break at some stage today.mjnd yourself.

How are things Shining ?

I hope the weekend is a calm one for you x

Hope you are doing ok Shining x

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. Similar happened with a family member. She is now in Foster care. It was the best resolution as they all get some respite. She is counting down the days until she's 18 and can get her own place etc. She hasn't a clue.... the decision wasn't taken lightly but in the interest of her own safety and safety of others it was the best outcome. I hope you get the help you need. Some excellent advice given in thus thread xx

If the behaviour has worsened is there any chance she has access to drugs...just wondering when the company she keeps seem to encourage her behaviour ...its not that uncommon at her age and some people can start acting like this . I know at a talk we were told look out for this kind of behaviour.

She possibly believes all she says and really needs help..easier said than done if she doesn't want it.

Anger and anxiety can create all kinds of behaviour and also she herself could be paranoid in that she thinks you are out to get her.

Hope you are doing ok this evening xx

Shinning I see on mumsnet for similar issues someone recommended the book Your Defiant Teen by Russel Barkley. Now I haven't read it as it's just googling to see was there anything useful there but I have watched hours of Russel Barkley, he is amazing and he researches and publishes for decades in the field of ADHD where there's plenty of extreme cases of acting out.