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mrsfudge wrote:No. I think if I brought it up it would cause a massive row and upset him. I try to be quietly supportive while staying out of his way

I get that. I hope you’re ok.


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No. I think if I brought it up it would cause a massive row and upset him. I try to be quietly supportive while staying out of his way

mrsfudge wrote:Dh has bouts of depression where he just withdraws completely from us. Its very tough. The silence , tension and the lack of joy is awful. He always comes out of it but I just feel I'm on eggshells waiting for the next one.

That’s very hard mrsfudge. Is he getting any help/ does he even know it’s happening? I realised recently that my mood was affecting the whole family. The joylessness was really dragging everyone down. In my case it was hormonal (I think, it’s early days) and hopefully I’m on the way to having it sorted.


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Dh has bouts of depression where he just withdraws completely from us. Its very tough. The silence , tension and the lack of joy is awful. He always comes out of it but I just feel I'm on eggshells waiting for the next one.

Woolly mentioned on another thread how refreshing it was to see Marian Finucane's widower speak about loss - because it is so rare that a man opens up or even can speak about loss.

I don't think any of the men in my life - including my own DS - are really capable of expressing their innermost feelings. It really makes me think Cutiepie - that you, and many women like you, could absolutely never have known what was coming - because it is just so normal for men not to open up when they are suffering inside. I think a lot of high profile men have done some good work in promoting talking about feelings - but we have a very, very long way to go.

Poster, I can only talk about being widowed because of suicide. We have no clear reason why dh took his own life. Looking back and only having it pointed out to me, there were small changes in him. I can't say he ever showed signs of depression. But he never talked. Sometimes you could tell that something was bothering him, small things yet he still didn't talk. Even if we had know what was to come, I don't think he'd have spoken to anyone. He was very much old school. I don't know what can help your husband. Personally, I wish mine could see the devastation his suicide left. Our children will be forever without him. They loved him and he loved them. I don't think he could see another way. I don't know why he couldnt have spoken to someone. Is it a man thing, I don't know. Personally, I found attending Pieta house kept me going. You can vent, let go, no-one will judge. Thinking of you both.

Definitely contact the GP. A friend is going through something similiar and got brilliant help from the GP and was referred on straight away for further help as things were far worse than thought. The services are there and still operating.

To the OP, can you contact your gp and ask for help with referring to a private counsellor. Sometimes, people in your dh's situation downplay everything to the medical professionals and you need to let your gp know that you are under pressure and need help to navigate this. I know that my own husband downplayed every thing and I was basically going through hell with him. My GP was very helpful when he realised exactly what was happening.
And to the others asking, definitely contact your GP. This pandemic has had an awful toll on mental health and mental health is just as important as physical health. Make the first step and ring the gp. Even doing that little thing will help you and your dh's find a way out of this.

Definitely contact your gp. I'd say they're seeing a lot of people contacting them for mental health issues. Also counsellors/ therapists are working but most are only doing phone or online appointments at the moment, but some people might prefer this.

Absolutely contact the GP and say you are willing to pay for a phone consultation if the GP prefers.

I think one of the earlier messages from the HSE was that people shouldn't ignore non covid issues.

Of course GPs are dealing with situations like this Similar - and he should absolutely contact the GP. He may actually find online counselling easier than doing it in person.
Horrible to be dealing with this.
My brother has suffered with depression and while I adore him - I really admire his wife for everything she's gone through with him. I think it's exceptionally hard on partners.

Bump.

Can I piggyback??
My dh told me yesterday that he's re ally suffering - he lost someone dear to him last year & work has been a major stressor for quite a while. I'm at a loss how to help him, normally I'd say go to the gp, but are gps seeing people for mental health issues at present? I think he may need counselling - are they operating? Any advice appreciated

Can I jump in here? My dh lost someone v dear to him last year & is also not v happy with work. He told me today the extent of his unhappiness & I'm at a loss what to do & how to help - would the gp be accessible at the minute for something like this pls?? Any advice much appreciated, thanks

Anti depressants take a while to kick in and often dosages need to be increased to get a good result. Perhaps they've helped with the depression but need to be increased to help the anger?

Counselling isn't a quick fix, it's more long term. I think you should continue with yours as a support person really needs help too. Oftentimes people have sympathy for a depressed person but their support person is going through hell too.

Would your DH see the GP? Does he realise he's only partially better? There is little point having a go at him but he needs to realise that things are nowhere near right.

Best of luck, depression is difficult for the sufferer and the people who support them.