by Primrose » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:16 pm
felicity wrote:Magpie wrote:3dollys wrote:And this thing of " I'd like to know". So what? Your need to Know something as a parent doesn't trump everything else. Sometimes you have to know when to respect boundaries and treat them as adults and people and not just "my child".
If your 18yo was going out with a drug dealer, would you not want to know? I get what you are saying that we have to treat them as adults but as I said earlier they just don't become adults overnight by turning 18 and I would certainly like to know so I could try and help my son or daughter to see that the situation they are in might very well be a dangerous one.
Do you not think that your 18 year old son or daughter should be able to see that themselves? If my DD has gotten to 18 and doesn't know the dangers of drug taking then I would feel that I had failed at a big part of parenting.Thing about being 18 is you presume you are invincible.
If my dd got to 18 and didn't know about the dangers of drugs I'd definitely feel I had failed, but I would also feel that I still have a responsibility to try to steer her in the right direction at that stage, even if she was an adult. My parents certainly expressed their opinions on my choices and decisions while I lived at home and they funded my education and supported me financially as a young adult and while it may have annoyed me at times, I don't think they were wrong to do it, nor do I think I wouldn't have a responsibility to do similar when my kids reach that age. At 18 you do not have the experience of life to see stuff an older person may be more aware of and while everyone has to make their own mistakes, there are some mistakes I think most of us would be keen to help steer our children (adult or not) away from if at all possible.
Treating someone as an adult does not mean you cannot have an opinion on what they are doing, and doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss your concerns with them, even if the final decision may rest with them as to whether to take your opinion on board.
Op if I was in this situation as the girls mum I would for sure want to know, and to have the opportunity to decide whether or not to bring it up with my daughter or not. But I recognise that sharing it might impact on your own relationship with your dd, and that the other parent may not be receptive.
[quote="felicity"][quote="Magpie"][quote="3dollys"]And this thing of " I'd like to know". So what? Your need to Know something as a parent doesn't trump everything else. Sometimes you have to know when to respect boundaries and treat them as adults and people and not just "my child".[/quote]
If your 18yo was going out with a drug dealer, would you not want to know? I get what you are saying that we have to treat them as adults but as I said earlier they just don't become adults overnight by turning 18 and I would certainly like to know so I could try and help my son or daughter to see that the situation they are in might very well be a dangerous one.[/quote]
Do you not think that your 18 year old son or daughter should be able to see that themselves? If my DD has gotten to 18 and doesn't know the dangers of drug taking then I would feel that I had failed at a big part of parenting.Thing about being 18 is you presume you are invincible.[/quote]
If my dd got to 18 and didn't know about the dangers of drugs I'd definitely feel I had failed, but I would also feel that I still have a responsibility to try to steer her in the right direction at that stage, even if she was an adult. My parents certainly expressed their opinions on my choices and decisions while I lived at home and they funded my education and supported me financially as a young adult and while it may have annoyed me at times, I don't think they were wrong to do it, nor do I think I wouldn't have a responsibility to do similar when my kids reach that age. At 18 you do not have the experience of life to see stuff an older person may be more aware of and while everyone has to make their own mistakes, there are some mistakes I think most of us would be keen to help steer our children (adult or not) away from if at all possible.
Treating someone as an adult does not mean you cannot have an opinion on what they are doing, and doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss your concerns with them, even if the final decision may rest with them as to whether to take your opinion on board.
Op if I was in this situation as the girls mum I would for sure want to know, and to have the opportunity to decide whether or not to bring it up with my daughter or not. But I recognise that sharing it might impact on your own relationship with your dd, and that the other parent may not be receptive.