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Topic review - Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her
Author Message
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Update: DD refused to go to the police in case this inflamed him.
Every time a motorbike passed she was convinced it was him following her.
She was upset going to a concert at the 3 Arena in case he bombed it.
I am trying to reassure her that this won't happen.
She has built him up to me as some sort of hacker and psycho to the point where I am starting to feel paranoid.

With being at home and now school being off, DD needs something to worry about. I realise that sounds mean but I think that this guy is just a focus point for her anxiety.

She was looking him up regularly on Instagram to see when he was last on, checking his WhatsApp photo constantly.
I didn't realise but on Instagram the person can see who viewed them. She viewed from a 3rd account she has and he messaged her from a third account he has :rolleyes:
I had enough at that stage and I messaged him saying that he was to stop contacting her that it was upsetting her and we were taking note of all contacts.
DD went bananas when an hour later he deleted all his social media accounts.
I said that this was him reacting to my message, a message from an adult asking him to desist- not the actions of someone going postal and going to shoot up a school.

She was then convinced he was hacking her Instagram. It turned out it was some app she was using.
Then she started checking my Instagram and who had logged in. I don't use Instagram. There was a log in from a device and now she is convinced he is hacking MY Instagram.
It's getting ridiculous. I said she was not allowed in my Instagram. I follow 3 people and I never use it. He is welcome to hack it.
Honestly, I don't know what to think any more.
She has been checking up on him a lot, and while she is not contacting him like he is her, I don't think he is anything other than a teen who has grown up in an internet generation who don't understand what is normal in terms of contacting people. Yes he is ott and odd but I don't believe he is going to drive by and shoot her or bomb her school like she believes.

This may seem dismissive and I hope I am right, but like conspiracy theories somewhere you wonder if there is some truth behind it. However when faced with a girl who has "had" cancer, weils disease, corona virus, a broken spine and used to call me at work 20 km away every time she heard an ambulance in case it was me, I just get sceptical about it all.

If anyone can recommend anything to help her deal with anxiety, I would be grateful.
Post Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2020 12:42 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
I did post again on page 1 there to say that this is renewed contact after a few months of quiet.
I spoke to DD and asked her had she ever categorically told him to leave her be. Another friend of hers got her "dad" to tell him to leave off and seems that was the last she heard from him. My DD asked the other girl that this weekend.

I really do think that he has no real concept of social norms , and that with the gun pic etc he is trying to be edgy and cool but failing in that he just freaks people out.

All is quiet since those 2 attempted contacts. She seems a lot calmer. For example, I told her thst there is no chance another boy would stand to be repeatedly stabbed with a compass and not throw a punch or something.

I have offered her to go to the police and she has said she will think about it. She has kept screen shots of it all anyway.

She is back to worrying about exams now instead!
Post Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 6:04 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Is there any chance the OP could update. I’ve been thinking about your dd and hoping things are ok.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Post Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 5:30 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
WorriedAboutDD wrote:

My daughter was very upset thinking he would follow her home and kill/ hurt her. I realise this is the anxiety talking and we managed to rationalise it.




She is her roaring crying now again thinking he is coming yo get her. I know this is irrational but at the same time this guy is following her around.


She is anxious and fearful for good reason. It's not irrational. It's not just the 'anxiety talking' as you put it. Your daughter is being stalked in a very frightening and concerning manner. Go to the Gardaí, no question, it needs to be taken seriously.
Post Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 4:12 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
elizaDoo wrote:
Read your post and didn’t want to not respond. This is a very sensitive issue for your Daughter and not completely unfounded. Would if be worth contacting your local Garda station and asking their advice. She is being stalked in my opinion, and has grounds to at least flag him to the Gardai. I understand she doesn’t want to but it’s in her best interest to have him made known to the Gardai. Awful situation for any young girl to be in.


I agree with this. Your daughter is being stalked. You need to go to the Guards.
Post Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 3:17 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
YD i was thinking the same. I'd be concerned that his mental health is not what it should be which is why I'd be concerned about your dd iykwim. It's definitely harassment.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 7:32 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
I had reason to contact the guards once about a guy and my daughter, there was a community garda for the area and I spoke to him and he made a few discreet enquiries and ended up having a word with the parents and the lad himself, although he might have been younger than what you are dealing with. To this day my daughter doesn't even know I did it but I was worried and about his own mental health too as well as her.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 6:31 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
the guards will advise whether to put in a formal complaint or just to keep it on file. if you keep it on file
it’s kust notes that this happened but they won’t contact him - then if he contacts her again they’ll have a note of the previous offenence
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 3:27 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Definitely go to the gardai. This is harassment..it is not normal behaviour from a person.
Your poor daughter..if she didnt have anxiety before she certainly would now.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 2:37 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
As others have said, please report this. I know your dd has anxiety anyway but itbis no wonder when she is coping with this. Following her around on SM, saying nasty things about her, telling her he stabbed someone with a compass - its all very threatening behaviour. Your poor daughter. As an adult this would be very hard to cope with let alone a young girl. This guy seems very disturbed.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 1:11 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
WorriedAboutDD wrote:
He began to post nasty messages into the exchange group chats about how the group were all a- holes etc
Then the next week he posted a photo of a gun saying he had just acquired it.
This alone is reason to report it to the Gardaí. Absolutely report it for all the reasons EB outlined above.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:40 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Thanks all.
To be clear- he stopped for a few months and then when she left the group he posted in yesterday, he started up again.

She is very worried about me even posting here as he claims he is very techy and a good hacker. She is worried we will provoke him by going to the police.

DD has said that he is a little strange and doesn't get on with people at school, but is extremely clever. I think possibly that he doesn't realise that this is socially unacceptable.

You are correct however. I will do it as either way he needs to be told.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:22 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Please report this. Your dd needs to feel safe. This is harassment.
Don’t connect her anxiety to this. It is normal to feel anxious when you are threatened. We need to be able to listen to our instincts when we know something isn’t right. If she feels she is over reacting as she is anxious anyway she will let stuff go when she shouldn’t.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:00 pm
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
I would definitely go to the Guards and get advice on this. As other posters have said behaviour like this would freak anyone out.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 11:57 am
  Post subject:  Re: Anxiety and boy trying to get in contact with her  Reply with quote
Guards now.
Post Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 11:51 am

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