Hi folks,
I had a coupe of posts in relation to my last thread that never showed up, but in the meantime I am making positive progress in relation to moving on from H.
We have always had financial issues, even though together we earn over 100k per annum!!!!
Please help me sort out my finances, it's so embarrassing- we are in the top 10% of salaries in the country according to all the reports and are still "broke"
H: His salary is approx. €3000 gross per month.
Expenses:
Mortgage: €1500
Health Insurance: €5200 p/a: so 175 per month - he is on a specialised scheme and there is no movement in this price, it is a fixed cost
Car fuels card: €350
So spends approx. €2100 of salary. The rest goes on travel expenses and so on which are currently not recoverable but will end this year, and he also gives some money towards some of the kids stuff if I am short, or various other bits and pieces eg gifts for me for Christmas, beer(!) and so on.
I appreciate there are savings to be made on his part, but as I am planning to ride off into the sunset, those are not calculable anyway.
Me:
Salary and CB: €3125 per month
yearly expenses: €350 per month (this includes property tax, car tax, travel insurance, car insurance, home insurance and mortgage insurance- I shop around for these each year bar mortgage insurance)
Kids expenses: €330 per month (this includes activities for 4 kids, 2 activities each- music is the most expensive)
Food: €850 per month- I have managed to cut this back from over €1000)
Childcare: €400 per month
Parking for commute: €60
Pocket money: €50
2 mobile phone bills (we don't have broadband or TV): €70
health expenses (inc rebate from health insurance): €200
gas, electricity, tv licence: €275
This gives me €540 over per month to cover clothes, inc books and uniforms, Christmas and birthdays inc other kids birthday parties, going out and holidays. So €5400 per annum. It sounds like a lot but I am constantly in the red. I am never going to be able to get away from H at this rate as I cant afford the mortgage on top of all those bills.
WTF am I doing wrong- I mean clearly going on hols costs about €5000 so that is the budget gone right there- but ffs, I see others going on holidays and they earn less than I do alone! Where can I trim my budget? Nothing bar the kids activities is cuttable, which seems so mean. I already buy the cheapest meat and veggies going. We never get take away except for their birthday. I go out maybe once every three months. I bring in my own lunch to work, although I do buy a bar or something most days. I no longer buy clothes and make up but get them as gifts from friends and family instead.
On that salary I should be really comfortable and able to afford a holiday, the odd beauty treatment or clothes, but I amn't.
Please help.
finances
Re: finances
Your health insurance is really expensive - specialized scheme though and I don't know the cover . Worth getting a review though
Re: finances
Can you track your exact spending. Every single penny for a month or two to see where money goes. I use a GoodBudget app(free version).
Re: finances
€175 per month for health insurance - is that for all of you? That comes in at €2100 (is €5200 a typo?)wishmeluk wrote:Hi folks,
I had a coupe of posts in relation to my last thread that never showed up, but in the meantime I am making positive progress in relation to moving on from H.
We have always had financial issues, even though together we earn over 100k per annum!!!!
Please help me sort out my finances, it's so embarrassing- we are in the top 10% of salaries in the country according to all the reports and are still "broke"
H: His salary is approx. €3000 gross per month.
Expenses:
Mortgage: €1500
Health Insurance: €5200 p/a: so 175 per month - he is on a specialised scheme and there is no movement in this price, it is a fixed cost
Car fuels card: €350
So spends approx. €2100 of salary. The rest goes on travel expenses and so on which are currently not recoverable but will end this year, and he also gives some money towards some of the kids stuff if I am short, or various other bits and pieces eg gifts for me for Christmas, beer(!) and so on.
I appreciate there are savings to be made on his part, but as I am planning to ride off into the sunset, those are not calculable anyway.
Me:
Salary and CB: €3125 per month
yearly expenses: €350 per month (this includes property tax, car tax, travel insurance, car insurance, home insurance and mortgage insurance- I shop around for these each year bar mortgage insurance)
Kids expenses: €330 per month (this includes activities for 4 kids, 2 activities each- music is the most expensive)
Food: €850 per month- I have managed to cut this back from over €1000)
Childcare: €400 per month
Parking for commute: €60
Pocket money: €50
2 mobile phone bills (we don't have broadband or TV): €70
health expenses (inc rebate from health insurance): €200
gas, electricity, tv licence: €275
This gives me €540 over per month to cover clothes, inc books and uniforms, Christmas and birthdays inc other kids birthday parties, going out and holidays. So €5400 per annum. It sounds like a lot but I am constantly in the red. I am never going to be able to get away from H at this rate as I cant afford the mortgage on top of all those bills.
WTF am I doing wrong- I mean clearly going on hols costs about €5000 so that is the budget gone right there- but ffs, I see others going on holidays and they earn less than I do alone! Where can I trim my budget? Nothing bar the kids activities is cuttable, which seems so mean. I already buy the cheapest meat and veggies going. We never get take away except for their birthday. I go out maybe once every three months. I bring in my own lunch to work, although I do buy a bar or something most days. I no longer buy clothes and make up but get them as gifts from friends and family instead.
On that salary I should be really comfortable and able to afford a holiday, the odd beauty treatment or clothes, but I amn't.
Please help.
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CocoRose
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Re: finances
That money doctor book is good. John Lowe I think. He also does consultations I think for 150, I know someone who went and said it was great. I think detailing everything down to the penny as best you can and a trip to a financial advisor would be good. I am planning to go next year. I think people don't get professional advice about money enough, it is so clearly a massive thing for you right now you could really do with it.
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Unnamed poster
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Re: finances
I can recommend Dave Ramsay and Sugarmamma, they are you tube money experts. And YNAB. Just tune in a little more to your finances and you will be surprised at what you can achieve. It's all about changing your mindset
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Re: finances
What strikes me is that your salary is covering nearly everying. The final €540 in your salary is completely overstretched and seems to have to pay for a lot of things.
He is paying mortgage, fuel and health insurance. Where does the remaining €900+ in his salary go?
He is paying mortgage, fuel and health insurance. Where does the remaining €900+ in his salary go?
Re: finances
I made a mistake with the health insurance. It's about €100 a week, so €5200 a year. I'm hoping this continues after the split.So he spends 2350 a month, and also pays his car insurance, so maybe 2400 total.
I suppose there are 2 issues. Firstly, we're constantly out spending our income. This was why I illustrated my H salary. However, the 2nd issue is that I intend splitting from him so his salary isn't really available to the household.
Lucy, I'm embarrassed to say I don't know! at the moment, I know it's eaten up by travel costs and setup costs for something specific, but this should end hopefully this year. Before that, I couldn't tell you. We don't have a joint account, but I do have access to his account and he's not siphon anything off; I can't understand it. Just a tenner here and there.
I have managed to increase my salary through job moves but it still never seems to be enough. I've made a conscious effort to reduce my spendthrift ways but it seems to make no difference.
Given how stretched I am currently am, I have little hope of buying him out or even managing all the bills alone. I just can't believe it, as I say, I have a comfortable salary. How others manage on less but appear to have more is beyond me
Re: finances
He spends €350 on fuel and €900 on travel expenses each month? For work presumably? That's a lot out of his salary.
Holidays can cost a lot less than €5,000 if you book flights at the right time and rent a house or apartment.
Heath expenses for you are €200 on top of the policy your husband has?
I'm not sure how many children you have, but you might be able to get the food bill down a bit lower than €850.
Holidays can cost a lot less than €5,000 if you book flights at the right time and rent a house or apartment.
Heath expenses for you are €200 on top of the policy your husband has?
I'm not sure how many children you have, but you might be able to get the food bill down a bit lower than €850.
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purple star
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Re: finances
You want to go it alone? You need to focus on your own money. Yes the health insurance is mental money but if you want to leave H then you need to look at your own income.
Your grocery shop sounds a lot. What ages are the kids? Are you buying nappies and formula? Where do you shop? I spend about 150 a week on food etc. But I don't scrimp, I don't really look at prices. That's for four of us, two good eaters of children and two adults. I would think you can cut back more there. Even another hundred.
If I were you I would keep a better track on every cent. Some weeks if I am off work I would be in town every day just randomly picking up things I didn't need. Spend spend spend. Other weeks I am busy and I don't set foot in a shop and I spend nothing. My bank account thanks me.
Your grocery shop sounds a lot. What ages are the kids? Are you buying nappies and formula? Where do you shop? I spend about 150 a week on food etc. But I don't scrimp, I don't really look at prices. That's for four of us, two good eaters of children and two adults. I would think you can cut back more there. Even another hundred.
If I were you I would keep a better track on every cent. Some weeks if I am off work I would be in town every day just randomly picking up things I didn't need. Spend spend spend. Other weeks I am busy and I don't set foot in a shop and I spend nothing. My bank account thanks me.
Re: finances
Sorry if I am picking it up wrong but you are currently together earning about 50k each per annum from looking at your take home pay of 3k each per month - are you making v high pension contributions as 50 would yield 3k per month after tax and you have 560 in child benefit so difficult to see how you are only taking home 5500 between you monthly.
Are you asking the question as to how you will manage if you and you h split and you take on the mortgage - on a salary of 50k for yourself with 560 pm cb with 1500 per month mortgage it will be tight - I am not the greatest saver in the world but in comparison to my own expenditure I would see the food bill as ok - with your h out of the equation you will save a bit and 600 should be achievable for you and 4 children (unless a lot are teenage boys), the activity costs are high at about 75euro per week and if there is a musical instrument involved it may be hard to cut back - are there some activities that you could trim next September?
Your h will presumably have to provide some assistance for the children's costs.
Not sure where you are living or what your options are but 1500 pm out of 3125 income is a high % if you are to go it alone - would renting a house be an option for less
Wishing you the best of luck and agree with the others that writing down and tracking exps will help you achieve your goals - as a single parent you will get an additional tax credit so that will increase your take home pay so that will help too - approx. 150 euros per month
Are you asking the question as to how you will manage if you and you h split and you take on the mortgage - on a salary of 50k for yourself with 560 pm cb with 1500 per month mortgage it will be tight - I am not the greatest saver in the world but in comparison to my own expenditure I would see the food bill as ok - with your h out of the equation you will save a bit and 600 should be achievable for you and 4 children (unless a lot are teenage boys), the activity costs are high at about 75euro per week and if there is a musical instrument involved it may be hard to cut back - are there some activities that you could trim next September?
Your h will presumably have to provide some assistance for the children's costs.
Not sure where you are living or what your options are but 1500 pm out of 3125 income is a high % if you are to go it alone - would renting a house be an option for less
Wishing you the best of luck and agree with the others that writing down and tracking exps will help you achieve your goals - as a single parent you will get an additional tax credit so that will increase your take home pay so that will help too - approx. 150 euros per month
Re: finances
Thanks for all the advice 
Answering some queries: 4 kids, 2 teens, no baby items. Currently feeding 7 in the house.
I could probably get the food down to 175 a week and have been doing so for some weeks, but often I will bulk buy something or around birthdays and Christmas, I spend more, so I am trying to capture that.
MrsGG: Yes, we make high pension contributions. Yes, musical instrument x 2
As for H finances, the reason I said to Lucy it is hard to see where his salary goes is because he gets a base salary and then once a month or so he gets a lump sum which he uses to pay off his credit card which will have built up over the month- sort of see it like a salesman claiming back expenses and getting commission on reaching certain targets and so on, although the amount is fairly similar each month, bar the odd exception, perhaps once a year.
Yes, H will have to help out, but I am hoping to make some sort of agreement where he helps less in exchange for continuing to pay the health insurance and walking away without much (any) equity in the house for now. Bar the 3, in his defence, large, bills he currently pays, I pick up everything else anyway. He constantly gives out to me about my spending. He doesn't see that the children should have any new clothes, nor I. He sees birthday gifts above a token, holidays, beauty treatments and so on as completely unnecessary, whereas I am the total opposite. Neither of us is right, of course, but it's about finding a balance.
JS: You are right, I have to cut back the activities
I feel so mean, they're good kids and per child it's not like they do a whole lot. Also, because I work full time it eases some mammy guilt.
I don't pay his phone, I pay my teens phone. I pay both car tax but he pays his own insurance.
The reasons for splitting are numerous and varied but are detailed to some extent in my thread, which I think you previously answered on, under the same "anon" user name.
Thanks all
Answering some queries: 4 kids, 2 teens, no baby items. Currently feeding 7 in the house.
I could probably get the food down to 175 a week and have been doing so for some weeks, but often I will bulk buy something or around birthdays and Christmas, I spend more, so I am trying to capture that.
MrsGG: Yes, we make high pension contributions. Yes, musical instrument x 2
As for H finances, the reason I said to Lucy it is hard to see where his salary goes is because he gets a base salary and then once a month or so he gets a lump sum which he uses to pay off his credit card which will have built up over the month- sort of see it like a salesman claiming back expenses and getting commission on reaching certain targets and so on, although the amount is fairly similar each month, bar the odd exception, perhaps once a year.
Yes, H will have to help out, but I am hoping to make some sort of agreement where he helps less in exchange for continuing to pay the health insurance and walking away without much (any) equity in the house for now. Bar the 3, in his defence, large, bills he currently pays, I pick up everything else anyway. He constantly gives out to me about my spending. He doesn't see that the children should have any new clothes, nor I. He sees birthday gifts above a token, holidays, beauty treatments and so on as completely unnecessary, whereas I am the total opposite. Neither of us is right, of course, but it's about finding a balance.
JS: You are right, I have to cut back the activities
I feel so mean, they're good kids and per child it's not like they do a whole lot. Also, because I work full time it eases some mammy guilt. I don't pay his phone, I pay my teens phone. I pay both car tax but he pays his own insurance.
The reasons for splitting are numerous and varied but are detailed to some extent in my thread, which I think you previously answered on, under the same "anon" user name.
Thanks all
Re: finances
very good advice from JS as usual and especially relevant given that you have been through it all.
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Re: finances
You need to focus on your own money. I have a good job, not too different from yourself and I do out a budget every month. By the time i have paid for mortgage, essential bills, car (including putting aside money for diesel), childcare (about €500-600) I have very little left. Add to that whatever spends I know are happening that particular month (dentist, optician, shoes, school bill) I literally have a pittance. I get very little in maintenance (despite seeking an increase recently due to childcare, the judge didn't agree) but this and my child benefit is my grocery and any ancillary spending budget.purple star wrote:You want to go it alone? You need to focus on your own money. Yes the health insurance is mental money but if you want to leave H then you need to look at your own income.
Your grocery shop sounds a lot. What ages are the kids? Are you buying nappies and formula? Where do you shop? I spend about 150 a week on food etc. But I don't scrimp, I don't really look at prices. That's for four of us, two good eaters of children and two adults. I would think you can cut back more there. Even another hundred.
If I were you I would keep a better track on every cent. Some weeks if I am off work I would be in town every day just randomly picking up things I didn't need. Spend spend spend. Other weeks I am busy and I don't set foot in a shop and I spend nothing. My bank account thanks me.
It is hard but it really makes me angry that the vast, vast bulk of everything to do with the children falls with me and apparently the courts think this is ok! It also really maddens me when the ex brings them off for the weekend for meals out and shopping trips - things which I can't afford - but somehow doesn't have the money to pay for childcare. Rant over!
My eldest does two activities a week - she is in a theatre group and she does a dance class (which I can pay for weekly). We don't often have days out. Stay out of the shops. You can do it.
Re: finances
I could afford the mortgage if I spread it out over a longer period, but the mortgage calculators don't even bring me close to the loan amount outstanding so I cant see the bank agreeing to me taking it on alone, let alone borrowing anything extra (which I can't afford anyway) to pay H off.
Selling the house would be the only option, but again, I would not be in a position to buy anything as I wouldn't qualify for any sort of mortgage. I would have some equity in the house though. Hurts my heart to have to move for some very specific reasons. I am getting upset at the thoughts of it.
So much going on. H is being awful at the moment, so aggressive and abusive. He is still off the drink but is worse for it. I am fairly certain that he is seeing someone else which I shouldn't be bothered by, but I am. She should be welcome to him; why am I bothered? His reasoning would be that I am being cold to him and our relationship is in the doldrums so it is in essence not cheating. If he sees it as being over then why is "trying to give up drink"? It's hardly to win me back?
JS and Pearl you are right, if I could sort the house out and be happy in my house with the kids, then I would not mind not having holidays and treats because I would be happy in the house and I could even invite friends/family over, which I currently can't. I would be more content.
Selling the house would be the only option, but again, I would not be in a position to buy anything as I wouldn't qualify for any sort of mortgage. I would have some equity in the house though. Hurts my heart to have to move for some very specific reasons. I am getting upset at the thoughts of it.
So much going on. H is being awful at the moment, so aggressive and abusive. He is still off the drink but is worse for it. I am fairly certain that he is seeing someone else which I shouldn't be bothered by, but I am. She should be welcome to him; why am I bothered? His reasoning would be that I am being cold to him and our relationship is in the doldrums so it is in essence not cheating. If he sees it as being over then why is "trying to give up drink"? It's hardly to win me back?
JS and Pearl you are right, if I could sort the house out and be happy in my house with the kids, then I would not mind not having holidays and treats because I would be happy in the house and I could even invite friends/family over, which I currently can't. I would be more content.